


Fighter

by UnoriginalToast



Category: Pellinor - Alison Croggon
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-11-21 05:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11350938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnoriginalToast/pseuds/UnoriginalToast
Summary: Four years after the Nameless One's defeat, Maerad still struggles to find her place in the world. She longs for a normal life, but can't escape her fate, which leads her down a long and increasingly dangerous path. On this new journey, she doubts her fate, her powers, and herself, but one thing is for certain: Maerad is a fighter.





	1. Innail

**Author's Note:**

> I've been rereading the Pellinor series and this just popped into my head and demanded to be written. I'm 5 chapters in. I can't promise I'll be the best at updating, but then again, this fandom seems a little dead. So, in honor of The Bone Queen (which I have actually yet to read due to a demanding work schedule), here's a new fic!

Maerad was burning. Not "very hot." Not burning up. But literally burning. She watched with a mixture of awe and horror as flames licked her arms and clouded her vision. Her skin did not wither, her eyes did not well with defensive tears against the heat. But she was burning and floating, and had not a clue where she was going.

She tried to look down, but only saw the faded green of a world hidden beyond the flames. She opened her mouth to speak, but it quickly filled with smoke. She coughed violently and shut her mouth, resigned to letting whatever force was holding her up take her where it wanted to. Looking up, the sky had a dull blue tone, partially hidden due to the fire, but Maerad also thought there were actual clouds. Maybe it will rain, she thought. And then she can be put out.

The irony of the fire was not lost on her. She was the Fire Lily, Elednor, who had cast down the Nameless One and restored the Treesong. The fact that she hadn't gone up in flames in her entire life before that point was more of a miracle than the fact that she was on fire now. She also could easily place that this was a dream, or a foredream, or something of the sort. Maerad had a weird relationship with sleeping. While she loved to lay in a soft, fluffy bed and be lost to the world, she also often experienced very realistic nightmares. Oh, and sometimes those nightmares came true. Fun.

She stopped violently, lunging forward with force, as though whatever was holding her up had suddenly hit a wall. She frowned, unimpressed with this dream and wished she could either come out of it and have a normal one or wake up. And then, as sudden as the stop, she felt an overwhelming sense of dread in the pit of her stomach. It was like a switch had been flipped and she felt tears stinging her eyes. Great, she thought, another one of those dreams. It felt as though everyone she knew and loved had died terribly and now she was all alone, adrift in the sky. It was horrible, but not a feeling she was unused to necessarily. Although everyone had not, in fact, died in a horrific way, these dreams had a way of making her feel as though that happened.

And then, she was awake. She felt the warmth of the bed, opened her eyes to a flood of unreleased tears slipping down her cheeks and onto the pillow and sheets, and sighed. These dreams often caused her to wake in panic, her fear and dread seeping over to the world of consciousness for a few unbearable moments. Sometimes she screamed and would wake to Cadvan calling her back. She had been having these dreams for as long as the pair had known each other, and yet every time she thrashed and screamed, she always awoke to a pale, distressed Cadvan, who never adjusted to her sleeping habits.

This time, it appeared she hadn't called out, for which she was grateful. The very faintest of morning light was beginning to slip into the room and she knew it was only very early morning. But, she couldn't quite shake the dreadful feeling, and slowly slipped out of the bed and onto the hardwood floor. She shivered as her bare feet touched the cold floor and the air nipped her skin. It was almost spring, so the days would be warm if there was sun, but the nights were chilly. That was alright with Maerad, who loved sleeping with piles of blankets and a window cracked just a bit.

She resigned herself to the cold, deciding not to grab a robe as she carefully tiptoed out of her room and into the hall. The candle light had long since dimmed, and with only a window at the end of the hallway, she couldn't see very well. But, she knew where she was going and quietly slipped into a room a few doors down from her own.

She didn't venture too far in, but stopped in the middle of the room to watch the form on the bed. Irrational panic set in when she didn't immediately see the rise and fall of breath, but her eyes soon adjusted and her worry subsided when she saw the blankets lift.

Cadvan was alright. That was all she needed to know. He was breathing, which meant he was alive, so she could put her stupid dream behind her and go back to bed. She turned and went the way she game, grateful for the warmth of the blankets over her once more when she got back into her warm bed. She still had a few hours before she had to wake up, and she quickly fell back into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

* * *

The birds woke her this time around, singing a happy song. As Maerad came back to consciousness, her mind slipped into the Speech for a brief moment so she could hear what the birds were saying. Sometimes they would have news or weather, but today it was mind numbingly brainless, like birds tend to be. She quickly went back to listening to the chirping.

She stretched out and rolled over to her other side definitely, before slowly picking herself up off her pillow. She had classes today, and she was excited, but she also would miss her bed until she returned that evening.

As she got dressed, she peeked out the window at the cool spring sun. Innail was beautiful, as usual, and she was glad to be back behind its walls. After defeating the Nameless One, she and Cadvan traversed the country, going to places she had never been before, picking up on her studies, and generally enjoying each other. But, every time they came back to Innail, leaving became much more difficult. So, they decided, since the roads were more friendly now, they would continue to travel often, but would settle in Innail as a sort of "home base." It was a great compromise, since Cadvan was a traveler at heart and Maerad longed for a home.

When they announced they were settling there, Silvia insisted and all but demanded they live with them. And no, she wouldn't accept any rent, so long as they helped out. It was wonderful. Silvia acted like a second mother, Malgorn was like a kind father. And, she knew that, being around their late daughter's age, she was a blessing to them as much as they were to her.

Maerad crossed the room to the closet and pulled out a simple blue dress to wear for the day. It matched her eyes and would be the perfect fit for the weather. As she glanced at her soft reflection in the mirror, her thoughts drifted to Hem, who was also studying, but had stayed in the South because he both loved it and wanted to help rebuild. She missed him terribly, but not with the same earnest and heartbreak as before. He was safe, and she knew that, and they would meet up again soon.

As she crossed the room her eyes lingered over the books Cadvan had bought her when they first settled in Innail. They were bound and stamped with the town's seal and she loved to leaf through them. Her reading and writing improved and she could effectively study for lessons and tests. She picked up the one on top and leafed through it.

Then there was Cadvan. He had kissed her in the days after the Nameless One's defeat. They traveled and joked and bickered, and spent most of their time together. But, while Maerad truly loved him, it was hard to get over the hurt she had suffered at the hands of men just a few short years before. She felt terribly about that, wanting to give Cadvan more, but their relationship was different, and Cadvan was nothing if not patient. They took things very slowly, enjoying more intimate touches and soft glances than before. Cadvan had even graduated from calling her "my dear" to often saying, "my love." And that was enough for them. They had their whole lives ahead of them, and it was no one's business except theirs as to how they felt about each other. That's why no one knew-not Hem, not Malgorn, and not even Silvia.

A knock on her door broke her of her thoughts. She set the book down and opened it, seeing Cadvan's smiling face in the doorway. His shoulder length brown hair was messy-he had obviously not combed it before heading to her room. His beard was scraggly and he would be shaving it down in the next day or two. "Maerad! You're awake!" He exclaimed in a joking way. "And dressed! What's the occasion?"

Maerad rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She shifted her weight to one foot and stuck out her hip. Complete with an eye roll, she looked utterly exacerbated, but for the small smile playing at her lips. "Good morning, Cadvan," she said in a dry, almost mocking tone. "What brings you to my door this morning?"

"Well, I was hoping I would be lucky enough to have a beautiful woman accompany me to breakfast," he said, holding out his arm. Maerad's face flushed, but she laughed.

"I suppose you'll have to find one," she responded.

"Witty as ever, I see. Not even dulled in the morning," the man mused.

"Yes, I suppose to. Anyway, yes, I'll accompany you," Maerad finally answered to his request. "But let me grab my satchel while you put a comb through your hair." She shot him a sly grin and he chuckled, agreeing to her terms. Before long they were sat at the table in the dining room, munching on light pastries and dried meat, and enjoying the warmth of the sun on their backs through the window behind them.

"How did you sleep last night?" Cadvan asked before taking a sip of his water.

"I had another weird dream," Maerad answered, feeling honest that morning. "I was floating and burning. Like, my skin was actually on fire but I wasn't hurt by it. Then I felt awful and alone. Then I woke up."

Cadvan listened as intently as he always did to Maerad's dreams. Sometimes they were nightmares, sometimes they were a vision of the future. This one seemed like the former, so he shrugged and leaned back.

"Strange indeed," he mused. "Well, it sounds like nothing more than a bad dream. I'm sorry you had it."

Maerad shrugged dismissively. "It's not as though it's your fault." She then fell silent, suddenly not feeling like talking much. Cadvan studied her face for a moment before returning to his breakfast.

"Your birthday is coming up." He noted. Maerad glanced at him quizzically before she understood what he was saying. Maerad didn't know when her birthday was, it was never celebrated in the Cot. So, a year before they had decided that the first day of spring, the day Cadvan had found her, would be her birthday. It was rather fitting as it signified her rebirth in a sense. It was her real entrance into the world of Barding and into the world beyond Gilman's Cot.

The girl shrugged. "I suppose it is," she said in a disinterested voice. Who cared when her birthday was? It didn't matter how old she was. She was still learning at the pace of child no older than twelve, but had experienced perils and gained wisdom that some don't aquire for their entire lives.

"Oh don't sound so glum! You'll be twenty one, not three hundred," Cadvan chuckled, misplacing her indifference to her birthday. He thought she feared growing old.

"It's not that, I just don't see the reason for the celebration." Maerad replied. "I know how old I am, everyone else does too. It hardly seems to matter anyway. I'm both a formidable, wise Bard and an unschooled child at the same time. Age hardly seems to matter."

Cadvan glanced over and paused. He opened his mouth to lightly argue and correct, but realized that she was right from her perspective. He had also lost interest in celebrating his birth after his parents and siblings died. But Maerad was so young and he wanted her to enjoy life.

"Think of it like this: It's a celebration of life. And Bards love celebrations of life," he finally said. "Besides, Silvia would love to plan a party, especially one for you."

Maerad wasn't sold on the whole party thing, but her heart softened at the idea of making Silvia happy. "Well, alright," she said, giving permission for a party she was never really asked about. Something felt off about it, but she couldn't place what. Cadvan smiled as much as he could-the scars on his cheek made it hard to fully smile, and when he did it often hurt. But Maerad smiled back and finished her breakfast.

* * *

"Twenty one! Oh, what a lovely age. You're such a woman, Maerad! Oh, we'll have to book the Great Hall and invite everyone! Can your brother come? We should sent word immediately, maybe he'll be up in time!" Silvia was bustling about the kitchen, checking ingredients and making lists. Cadvan had been absolutely correct-Silvia was very excited to plan Maerad's birthday party. The second she heard there was going to be one, she sprang into action and began coming up with ideas. When Maerad came home that evening from classes, she was pulled into the kitchen to make plans.

Maerad sat at the small table, an elbow on the table and her chin in her palm. She was gazing up at Silvia, unsure of if she would even get a word in otherwise. Party planning was not her specialty, and she also wasn't keen on being the center of attention, especially not for all of Innail.

"The Great Hall?" Maerad asked. "That's a little much, don't you think? Maybe something smaller." She paused. "But I would like to invite Hem." She thought longingly of her brother, who she hadn't seen in a little less than a year.

Silvia smiled over at her. "But Innail loves you." She protested lightly. There wasn't much conviction in her voice, but if she could convince Maerad, she would.

"Innail loves a party," Maerad corrected with a small smile. "For many it won't be so much about me, as a night for a feast."

The older woman laughed. Maerad, though disinterested in her own birthday, was absolutely correct about the intentions of the citizens. "Well, it's been a long winter. We could all use a party."

"Then how about a Winter's End feast, instead of a birthday party?" Maerad asked. "It's not even my birthday anyway. Cadvan picked it. We have no idea when I was even born."

"Doesn't that make it even more special?" Silvia asked, finally sitting down across from her. She took the girl's hands, her thumb brushing over the scar that replaced Maerad's two fingers. "It's the anniversary of your journey with Cadvan. It's where everything began, what? Five years ago? Now  _that's_  something to celebrate."

Maerad looked to the side with a sigh, suddenly really interested in the pots on the shelves to her left. "Yes," she finally said. "It is special. It's the most special day of the year to me. But other people won't understand that. It's between Cadvan and I." She paused. "And you and Malgorn too. Maybe Hem."

"Oh, Maerad," Silvia said kindly. "Of course, that's how it always is. My birthday doesn't mean much to many people here, but we still celebrate it. A random person doesn't feel how special the date is in the way that Malgorn does, but they're still happy to come celebrate my life. And this date will mean more than you think. Before you came, we lived in almost constant fear of the Dark. But this date marks the change of all that."

Maerad looked back to Silvia, slightly convinced, but not completely. "I still don't want to be the center of all this attention. It's tough enough being a chosen one, or fated, or whatever. I can't even take normal classes because I stick out like a sore thumb. I'd rather do something low key."

Silvia looked back at the girl with a soft expression before lifting a hand and stroking her hair. She cupped Maerad's cheek and smiled. "Then we'll compromise. We'll have a Winter's End feast for all of Innail, and mention it's your birthday there, but we won't make that the focus."

Something still felt off about this, but Maerad knew she likely wasn't going to be able to negotiate much more than that. She faked a smile back and squeezed Silvia's hand. "I suppose you'll need help with the planning of all that, then?"


	2. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who read my first chapter, and who faved/followed. I really appreciate the support! I am completely finished with this fic now and just doing minor edits here and there, so I'll update about once a week! If you read and like, leave a review and let me know! Enjoy!

The night of the party, Silvia insisted that Maerad be dressed as though she were a princess. Maerad, on the other hand did not want to stand out, and wanted to be dressed as everyone else would be. So, again with the compromises, Silvia picked out a beautiful regal, royal blue gown with long hanging sleeves and a flirty, but not raunchy, neckline. In turn, she put away the tiara she wanted Maerad to wear ruefully, but understanding of the girl's position. Instead, she draped a beautiful sapphire pendant around her neck, letting it rest perfectly in the center of her collar. It was as though the necklace had been made specifically for the dress, or the Maerad had been born to wear it.

Her hair had been plaited that morning when it was still wet and Silvia worked to undo the now dry curled hair. It fell in ringlet strands around Maerad's face and Silvia used pins to place it exactly where she wanted it to go. But, even with the pins, Maerad's hair was as wild as she was, and Silvia had to simply give up on some fronts.

The woman stepped back and admired her handiwork. "Oh Maerad." she whispered. "You're beautiful." For a moment, Maerad was worried she would cry, and hoped with all her might that wouldn't happen. Thankfully, Silvia seemed to swallow her tears and instead fluffed out Maerad's dress.

"Only because of you," Maerad said, in response to her comment as she gazed at the strange girl looking back at her in the mirror. Baths, she could get used to. Taming her hair, fine. But she barely recognized the girl she was transformed into every time Silvia helped her before a feast or party. And this time, Maerad thought, the woman had outdone herself.

Silvia shook her head fiercely. "No," she said with such a stern undertone that Maerad worried she was in trouble. "I can help you with your hair and put a pretty dress on you. But you're beautiful in your own right. Even after days on the road, or in fighting armor, or at first light, Maerad, you're beautiful." She paused, a vision of a taller black haired woman with piercing blue eyes floating in her mind's eye. "You look just like your mother." she said softly. "At least, as far as I can remember. She'd be so proud of you, Maerad."

Maerad smiled thinly, feeling a sting whenever her mother was mentioned. She wished her mother was here. She wished Pellinor had never been sacked, and that she could have lived her days as a normal Bard child, with her brother Hem-who was then called Cai-at her side. But, then again, if all of those terrible things had never happened, she never would have met Cadvan, or Silvia, or Malgorn. Or, if she had, she would never have known them in the capacity she now does. Her thoughts drifted to Cadvan for a moment. Would she trade knowing him for knowing her parents? She quickly pushed that thought away. What a terrible thought. It would be impossible and cruel to chose, even in her own mind.

"As long as you're proud of me, Silvia, I'm content." Maerad said, this time opening into a warm smile. Silvia looked so grateful for those kind words that again, and her eyes started to water, and Maerad briefly wished she hadn't expressed such strong feelings if it was just going to make the poor woman cry. But, again, Silvia held back her tears, or at least hid them when she gathered Maerad into a large hug.

"Always, my sweet," she whispered into Maerad's ear. "I'll always be so very proud of you." Her tone took on one that only a mother knew, and she thought briefly of Silvia's late daughter. Perhaps they would have been friends, had they gotten the chance to meet.

"Silvia! Maerad," called Malgorn from downstairs, interrupting both Maerad from her thoughts and the moment she and Silvia were sharing. "Let's go! We'll be late!" The girls pulled away from their embrace and laughed to each other.

"He's always so worried about being late!" Silvia sighed with a loving smile on her face as the girls quickly gathered their things and hurried down to meet the men.

Silvia hurried down the stairs first, used to the long dress and high heels. But, Maerad needed to take her time, worried that she would go tumbling down the stairs. So, slowly and deliberately, she made her way down the curving staircase, and came into view of Cadvan and the others.

The tall brown haired man watched her intently, his breath caught by how beautiful she looked in the candle light. He knew Maerad was beautiful-at least he always thought so-but seeing her all dressed up always caught him off guard. He tried to retain his composure and held out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion for her grab when she got close enough. For him, it was polite, for her it was prevention against tripping down the stairs.

"You look… beautiful, Maerad," Cadvan said, as though he had tried to find the perfect word, but couldn't, and reluctantly settled on 'beautiful' at the last minute. She flushed a bright shade of red, which only made her blue eyes stand out more, but lessened the contrast between her pale skin and her pitch black hair.

"And you look handsome," she said in a near muffled voice, trying to hide her embarrassment. She raised her head to meet his eyes and smiled at his loving gaze. She stopped on the last stair and held that gaze with him for a long moment, before Malgorn's clapping brought both back to reality.

"Let's go, let's go! Out the door, come on!" He said and all but shoved them out into the brisk night and stone laid street.

* * *

 

The Great Hall was filled with Bards, but to Maerad's delight most were just there for the end of winter feast. A few came and wished her well, but they were mostly acquaintances or friends of Malgorn and Silvia. Of course, being the one who defeated the Nameless One, she turned heads when she walked in the door and many rushed over to greet her. As with any public appearance, even a few years after the fact, she knew she would be exhausted with meeting everyone by the end of the night.

The group sat down at a table near the front and began eating the appetizers and chatting with the other Bards near them. Maerad looked wistfully out the window, wishing her brother was there. He had been invited, and had received word, but the rebuilding was going slow and there had been an accident a week before, so he was busy healing. But, he sent his wishes and even wrote in a "Happy Birthday" though he ended it as a question. He didn't know her birthday and didn't know Cadvan had decided on one for her. There was so much he missed out on, being so far away, and Maerad would have given anything in that moment to see her brother. It seemed that, even after reuniting after many long years apart, they just couldn't get themselves in the same place for very long.

She pulled herself back to the conversation at hand, a mindless one about the next season's crops and how the winter went for local merchants. They talked about their excellent food and wine, as Bards do, and some started to itch at their instruments, though they wouldn't take them out until later in the evening, after the main meal.

Maerad found her eyes drifting across the room until they landed on the fire in the center of the wall across from her. The fireplace was large and grand, and because it was a chilly night, many of the party-goers huddled over there. Maerad couldn't shake the feeling of her dream from a few weeks before and found herself gazing intently into the flames. How had the fire burned around her but not seared her skin? What did the dream mean, if anything? She had nightmares before, but their feelings didn't linger more than a day. The dream was like a nightmare, but the aftermath felt like a foredream.

"Maerad? Maerad? Are you with us?" A familiar voice pulled her back to the party, along with a light shake of her shoulder. Cadvan looked at her with a face that showed a bit of amusement and a bit of classic Cadvan-style worry.

"Oh, yes, sorry." She said and straightened up, forcing herself to take her eyes off the fire. "My apologies, the fire captured my gaze for longer than I thought." She turned to their table mates with a warm smile. "I didn't catch what you said, what were you asking?"

Before the meal came out, everyone had their glasses filled and those that wished made toasts. Most toasted to a good harvest, while others made brief mentions of Maerad's birthday. She blushed, and most in attendance seemed surprised at the revelation, but they were all more focused on getting to eat and enjoying a new fruitful year.

Maerad was sure after a burly Bard with a long beard had finally finished they were going to eat. But, she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye and before she knew it, Cadvan had stood.

"I'll say a few short words." He said and shot Maerad a coy smile.

"Hear, hear!" a Bard in the audience called, signalling Cadvan had the floor.

"As you all know I've been Maerad's tutor for exactly five years today," he said and Maerad felt her face heating up. Perhaps, she wished, if she tried hard enough the ground would swallow her up. "I know she isn't fond of the spotlight, so I'll be brief, but I wanted to toast to our safe journeys and many more safe journeys together. We found each other when we were both in dark places, and I know it is not a mistake that we came to travel with one another. The Light works in mysterious ways and I am grateful everyday that it brought us together, not only for the benefit and saving of Annar, but for that of myself. So, I have dedicated this day as Maerad's birthday, as it is the day that she was reborn and came to understand that she was a Bard with an amazing Gift." He lifted his glass high and everyone followed. "To Maerad."

"To Maerad!" Called back the room, followed by cheers and claps. Cadvan sat down and the feast truly began, with plates brought out in an instant. Maerad smiled sheepishly at him and he did so back at her. He placed a hand on her shoulder wordlessly as the redness in her cheeks subsided and she focused on what she was going to devour first.

After the meal of beautifully roasted meats and crisp, delicious wine, the Bards began to play their instruments. Maerad grabbed her lyre, a precious thing that saved many, and sat herself in the center of the room when it was her turn. Since her hand was deformed, she couldn't play without her magic. She mumbled some words in the Speech and slowly she began to glow. She played her lyre beautifully, and Cadvan joined and sang the old duet they loved to perform together.

Finally, she readied for one more song on her own and let the glow fill her once more. Immediately, she felt something was wrong. Something was off, but no one else seemed to notice. She shook the feeling and played, but halfway through her ballad, she faltered. Her light suddenly dimmed and she saw Cadvan stand out of the corner of her eye. The music stopped and she felt herself losing control. The glowing fingers ceased and she roughly scraped her scar against the sharp strings of the lyre, causing it to open and bleed.

She barely had time to feel that pain before an enormous wave of hurt filled the pit of her stomach. She doubled over, the lyre dropping to the ground with a thud as she clutched her stomach. That same feeling of dread from the dream overcame her and her eyes widened in horror and shock. Everything seemed so slow. It was like she was watching everything as an outsider. People rushed towards her, Cadvan in the lead. He called her name and tried to touch her mind, but in fear, she shut him out. She felt him wince at that and slowly try to prod her, but she was too focused on keeping the darkness inside herself to reach out to her friend.

She didn't realize she had slipped to the ground or that her eyes had closed. She just saw and felt darkness. She didn't know up or down, left or right. She didn't feel Cadvan coming to her side and lifting her head into his arms, nor did she hear the calls of her name. Cadvan tried to call her with her Truename, but she could not hear him. All she knew was darkness.


	3. The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maerad awakens, but the Darkness strikes inside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Than you for the faves, follows, reviews, and hits both here and on FF.net. It's nice to see some people still come by this fandom every now and again! If you read and like, leave a review! Thanks!

The next thing Maerad knew was warmth and the sound of birds chirping. She kept her eyes closed, not thinking she could open them. Weakly, she sent out her Knowing to listen to what the birds were saying, as had become habit, but was only able to connect for a moment before she couldn’t anymore.

 

_ Did you hear about the Maid of Innail? _

 

_ No. Hey, that’s my bread! You-- _

 

The Maid of Innail? That was her. What had happened to her? She struggled to remember the party, playing her lyre, the intense feeling of pain and doom. Then she was here. Had she dreamed? She couldn’t remember. Whatever she had dreamt during her sleep was lost to the recesses of her memories now.

 

She became increasingly aware of a soft, light weight on her forehead and what felt like a bandage wrapped around her maimed hand. She steeled herself for a moment before struggling to open her eyes. She blinked back the sand in her eyes, and the light caused them to water. But, soon her room came into focus. Her room, the one in Silvia’s home in Innail. She never felt so grateful to see the high white ceiling. 

 

She slowly turned her head and, to no surprise, found Cadvan grimly reading a book next to her bed. He was sat in a small chair, his eyes focused on a page. Maerad realized after a moment that Cadvan wasn’t reading, so much as he was staring blankly at a page, for his eyes were not moving from side to side. He was lost in thought, the book the only thing he had to focus on.

 

Maerad wanted to call to him. She shifted as much as she could in the bed and called his name, but she couldn’t get her mouth to move the way she wanted, so it just came out as a very soft mumbled, “Mmnn.”

 

Had the birds been chirping any louder, he would have missed it, but upon hearing the noise from the bed, Cadvan’s head snapped up and he looked over at her urgently. Relief washed over his face, though it did not replace his worry, when his eyes met her tired and confused ones. He stood and kissed her forehead. She didn’t miss the heavy sigh of relief that followed as he released all of his emotions. The man didn’t cry often, but that didn’t mean he felt nothing. And seeing him as worried as he was made Maerad understand that this had been far more serious than usual. Cadvan had seen her faint for various and sometimes strange reasons. He always worried, but this felt different.

 

“Maerad,” he murmured, his voice heavy with emotion. He stroked some hair out of her face that Mearad now realized was damp with sweat. She felt unnaturally hot, but also cold at the same time. Was she feverish?

 

“Cadvan,” she whispered, her voice cracking and barely audible. “What--”

 

He placed a finger on her lips and shook his head. “Don’t try to talk. By the Light, Maerad, we thought we lost you! You’ve been fevered for days. It only broke late last night. And so sudden too. You didn’t look sick at all when we left for the party.”

 

“I wasn’t.” Maerad ignored Cadvan’s request to not speak and managed to get those words out. Cadvan nodded, knowing this was the work of something he did not understand.

 

“Just rest,” he said. “We’ll figure all of this out.”

 

“Will you be here?” Maerad asked, suddenly terrified of being alone. Cadvan looked at her strangely--she was very independent and it was weird for her to request company, especially while she was just going to sleep. Of course, he never had any intention of leaving her.

 

“Yes,” he replied. “I’ve been sat in this chair for quite some time.” He chuckled. “Silvia thinks I’ll be laid up right next to you if I continue. But I assure you, I’m fine. And I’ll be here.”

 

Maerad didn’t care at the moment what Silvia thought or where Cadvan had been. All she cared about was those last three words.  _ I’ll be here _ . Good, she thought and closed her eyes. She was instantly asleep again.

 

Cadvan signed and pushed more of her thick, wild, and damp hair back. He placed another cool cloth on her head and sat down, studying her sleeping face, which was now much more relaxed than before. Even four years after defeating the Nameless One, Maerad was still full of surprises. He just wished they were happier surprises, and not those that made him so fearful.

 

* * *

 

 

Silvia scolded Cadvan for not getting her the moment Maerad awoke, but reluctantly agreed that, by the time he had left and she had come, the girl would have already fallen back asleep. She sat in the room with Cadvan for a bit and spoke quietly of their concerns about Maerad’s health. But, although looks could be deceiving, Cadvan maintained that, although Maerad was pale and thin, she was not a fragile girl. Much of what she handled would have been too much for most, even those triple her age.

 

No, this was something entirely. After Silvia left, Cadvan sat and focused on the girl. He tried to peer into her mind, but found it empty. She was having a dreamless sleep, thankfully. But something else stirred in her, something dark. Or was it, the Dark? Cadvan couldn’t be sure. After quite a while of using his magery to figure out what was wrong, he turned to using the little healing he did know to ease her fever and keep her asleep. He then stood, and went to grab something small for dinner so he could quickly return.

 

Cadvan kept his promise, though he moved from the chair to the small couch in the room. He folded his legs up to his chest so he would fit and left a candle burning so he could open peek up and be sure Maerad was still alright. 

 

Since she had woken up, he slept much easier, though still not exactly ‘well.’ Sleep had escaped him for many nights, since he wanted to be there and awake if she stirred. The chair was nice to sit on, but not the most comfortable thing to sleep on, even if his worry hadn’t been the main thing keeping him awake. 

 

It was very early morning when he awoke with the strange feeling he had heard something. The first thing he did was hop up, light the candle once more, and walked over to Maerad’s bed. He hadn’t made it even a few steps before he heard a high pitch whine and the sound of thrashing against the sheets. He hurried over, set the candle down on the nightstand and worriedly gazed at the girl.

 

Maerad’s face looked flushed even in the dim light of the candle flame. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her mouth was open. Cadvan couldn’t tell if she was gasping or if it was a silent scream. He bent down and placed one hand over hers to keep it still and the other on her forehead. The cloth had long since slipped off and he felt the warm, sticky sweat on her brow.

 

“Maerad?” he called, squeezing her hand as it struggled against his grasp. “Come on, wake up.”

 

When that didn’t work, he closed his eyes and focused on joining his mind to hers. He suddenly winced, feeling Maerad push back against him and shut him out. But, it didn’t seem like malice. It was almost as though she was trying to protect him. He tried again, this time calling her Truename. She seemed to relax a little and let him in just the smallest bit. But, that was enough for him to feel the full weight of what she was dealing with.

 

He doubled over, almost losing his link with her, but he held on as best he could. He gripped the sheets, twisting the soft fabric in his hands. What was this? He felt alone, scared, pain, doom. Anything bad that could be felt was sitting in the pit of his stomach. Was this what Maerad had been fighting? No wonder she was down for so long.

 

Cadvan braced himself for another rush back in. He knew deep down that if anyone could fight this, it was Maerad, and Maerad alone, but his protectiveness and worry overrode his rationality. He entered once again, gasping with pain and tried to push through. It became clear to him that whatever this was had attacked Maerad when she least expected it, and waited to attack again when she was weak. If they failed, it would destroy her.

 

The room vanished from his sight and he saw dark clouds instead. He was floating through an abyss and could only see darkness. To say he felt awful was an understatement. There were no words to describe the desolate, agonizing pain he felt physically and emotionally. But, he had to find Maerad. He focused on the memory of her face and pushed through.

 

Eventually, there was a very faint light in the distance, and Cadvan knew it was her. It had to be her, since he recognized her Bardic imprint, but also because they were the only ones in this strange space. As he came closer, he saw her doubled over, struggling to fight off the Darkness in her mind. He knelt down and touched her shoulder and she looked at him, shaking her head.

 

“Leave, Cadvan!” she cried. “I can’t let you get hurt.”

 

“Nor I, you.” Cadvan responded, setting his jaw. “I’m not leaving Maerad. Let’s get that out of the way now and skip to the part where you tell me how I can help.”

 

She hardened her gaze at him as long as she could before a flash of pain drew her away. She bent over, trying to catch her breath, and felt Cadvan’s hand firm hand on her back. 

 

“Protect me.” she finally said through gritted teeth and Cadvan instantly wrapped a force of protection around her. This caused him to divert energy from dealing with the pain, but it was worth it to ensure Maerad’s safety.

 

He watched her brace herself and then lash out with a fury of white flame at the darkness. Cadvan had to shield his eyes as he watched her push back. The darkness fought back, but Maerad was stronger now with Cadvan’s protection. 

 

Finally it was gone. The sky lit up and Cadvan looked around. It was beautiful up here, in Maerad’s little space. But, he didn’t have time to enjoy the scenery as Maerad fell back and into him. 

 

“Gone,” was all she could say as she wearily looked up at him.

 

“Is this what you’ve been fighting for the past few days?” Cadvan asked and she nodded.

 

“Something is coming. It’s getting stronger. I won’t be able to fight it for long, not even with your help.” she explained and looked down and pointed to the figure. “Hem. I need to get to him.”

 

Cadvan nodded. “When you’re able to, we’ll go to him.” He was exhausted. He felt a sense of amazement, knowing that Maerad dealt with this often. How had she not withered away to dust? She was much, much stronger than she looked. And now, she looked so small curled in his arms and struggling to keep her eyes open. 

 

Just as Cadvan began to wonder how he was going to get out of there, he found himself splayed across Maerad’s bed. He was holding onto her hand tightly, but was draped across her and onto the other side of the bed. He picked himself up, careful of her and placed a hand on his head. It ached painfully and he felt overwhelmingly tired. He gazed over at Maerad and was relieved to see that she was peacefully asleep, though he became worried when he felt how hot her skin was. 

 

He stood and stumbled back to the couch. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was fast asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

He woke the next morning to the feeling of wetness on his face. He wearily opened his eyes and looked up at Silvia, who was rubbing a damp cloth on his forehead.

 

“Oh, thank the Light you’re awake,” Silvia signed and handed Cadvan a towel to dry off. “It’s almost midday. I became worried when you didn’t come down for breakfast. You looked so pale and felt so warm. Do you think Maerad’s condition is contagious?”

 

All of these comments confused Cadvan, who was still trying to wake himself up. He shook his head and sat up, drying his face before handing the towel back to Silvia. “No, it’s not.” he said certainly. “She’s fighting something terrible. I helped her last night. It nearly destroyed me. And her.” He stood and moved to the bed. “How is she this morning?”   
  


Silvia followed, debating briefly within herself about whether she should ask Cadvan to sit. She decided not to. He wouldn’t listen anyway.

 

“Better,” she said as Cadvan brushed hair out her face. “She’s not so warm anymore. Hopefully she’ll wake today and eat something. Please, I have to go with Malgorn to a meeting of the Inner Circle, but if she wakes, send for me. Keep her up as best you can so we can get her something to eat.” Silvia looked at him earnestly. Cadvan could feed the girl, but he knew Silvia was also very worried and wanted to be there when Maerad woke up.

 

“I will.”

 

“And you’re alright?”

 

“As much as I can be.” Cadvan replied with a heavy sigh. He wasn’t completely recovered from their fight last night. “I’ll be alright. I’m mostly worried about Maerad.”

  
Silvia smiled slyly. “As you usually are,” she mused, and gathered her things to leave the room. “But you know as well as anyone, Cadvan: She’s a fighter.” 


	4. Urgency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the follows and favs, and especially for the lovely review (on FF.net)! I know this side of the internet is pretty dead, but I hope those reading still enjoy a little throwback to one of the best books ever (in my very humble opinion haha!)
> 
> This is a short chapter, lots of introspection, but it builds a bridge to the next. I've written the whole thing, btw, just taking the updating a little slowly! Enjoy!

  
Maerad woke with a start just a little after the midday bell. Cadvan glanced over when he heard her stir and smiled wanly at her. He was also still recovering from last night.

"Good… afternoon." Cadvan teased and Maerad smiled as much as she could. She felt numb, but that was better than before. She was just glad to see Cadvan there, by her side as he had promised. "Give me one moment." And Cadvan stepped away to keep his other promise to Silvia, and sent one of the Bards in the house to fetch her. "I'm sorry," he said upon returning. "Silvia insisted she be there when you wake. Are you hungry?"

"Not at all," Maerad said and tried to push herself up against the headboard. She wasn't able to and Cadvan quickly helped her up. He fluffed her pillow and kissed her forehead before sitting down in his chair and taking her hand.

"Maerad, my dear. You fought so well last night," he said. She looked at him grimly.

"You should have gone. You look so tired."

"You would have died."

Maerad fell silent and simply shrugged. Cadvan frowned at her, not liking her body language, but he didn't push it. "What was that?" he asked.

"I don't know. But I don't like it. And it's not just in me," Maerad said. "It's coming. It's… It's Dark." She stressed the last word, and Cadvan knew it wasn't just a dark force, it was a force of the Dark. Maerad heavily leaned back against the pillows with a big sigh. "It never ends."

Cadvan smiled kindly and squeezed her hand. "No," he said.

"I just want to live a normal life. Go to school, help around the house. Maybe have a family someday," Maerad said sadly. "But, no I have to travel around, fighting the Dark and being either exhausted or constantly hunted down."

"You don't have to do anything," Cadvan reminded her, as he had many times before. Usually Maerad accepted it, but she fervently shook her head.

"No, I do. What choice do I have? Either fight or be destroyed. And if I'm destroyed, what of Annar?"

"The Light always finds away," Cadvan responded instinctively, but judging from the scowl and glare from Maerad, he knew it wasn't exactly comforting. "Maerad, that's still a choice. But… I suppose you are correct." Maerad's scowl ebbed into a bit of confusion. He was backing down from one of his biggest sticking points. They really must be ill!

"I'm correct?"

Cadvan smiled coyly. "Not entirely. And I can't say I agree, but I see your side. I've always had choices. While I've decided to follow the Light and that has been my path, I've never had the weight of the world on my shoulders in the way you have. I've never wanted to run from my path. I understand why you would." He paused. "Maerad, you can still go to school and have a home life. You could still have... a family."

"I could never bring a spouse or children into this mess." She said. Cadvan felt unexpected hurt at that, though he wasn't sure why. They sat in silence for a long moment, the awkwardness seeping between them.

"You don't have to do everything alone, Maerad," Cadvan said softly. "You have many here to help as much as they can. You have me, always."

Maerad smiled at that thought and opened her mouth to say something, but Silvia bustled in at that moment and all but shoved food down Maerad's throat. She wasn't very hungry, but was thankful for some water and bread. Silvia chatted with her for a long while, until a messenger came in and said she was needed back at the meeting. Reluctantly she went, and Maerad leaned back once again, suddenly exhausted to the core.

"You should rest," Cadvan said, feeling very tired himself.

"I need to go to Hem." Maerad said, as though not even hearing Cadvan's suggestion. Cadvan paused for a moment, unsure of how to reply.

"Well you're in no condition to go now," he finally said. Sitting back in the chair, he looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. "And frankly, neither am I."

"We need to meet soon," Maerad said earnestly. "Regardless of condition."

"What if we pen a letter to him?" Cadvan suggested. "I know he's busy with the building effort, but he'll sense our urgency."

Maerad frowned. It would take a while to send out a letter, have him receive, it and then have him make the journey. Plus, she was worried for his safety on the roads. But, Cadvan was right, it would likely take longer to wait until she was better and then travel. "Alright," she finally said. "Get me my quill and paper."

"Rest first."

"Cadvan." She looked at him with pleading eyes, and he said no more in protest. He got the quill, ink, and paper and watched as she laboriously wrote the letter to her brother. Her writing had gotten much better and she very much enjoyed it. She wrote great poems, often in the style of Dernhil. But being so tired and so weak, even holding the quill was difficult and it took her some time to write a letter that got the urgency across. Finally, she was done, and she set the quill and paper down with a heavy sigh and leaned back.

Cadvan cleared the papers off her lap and helped settled her back down to bed. "Please rest now," he said tiredly. He also wanted to rest after the long night he'd had.

"Will you send the letter?" Maerad asked, and Cadvan was sure she would not close her eyes until she got nothing less than a 'yes' out of him.

"Of course," he replied. "Right away, before anything else." He pulled the blanket up and firmly tucked it around her, as though he was worried she would jump up and start wandering around.

"And you'll still be here?" Maerad asked, still unable to shake the terrible loneliness. If anything, the battle last night had only solidified it, and she found herself less confident than ever.

"Of course, my dear." Cadvan replied. Again, that was all Maerad needed to know. She closed her eyes and quickly drifted into a dreamless sleep. Cadvan left briefly to send her letter before returning to the couch in her room to nap.

* * *

 

Maerad awoke late that night. The house was quiet, and the birds were silent. There wasn't even the smallest hint of dawn, so she knew it was just before the new day, or right after. She shifted in the bed and rolled over, absentmindedly stroking the bandage over her maimed hand. She gazed out the window, watching the moonlight dance on the rooftops of Innail. Everything seemed so peaceful.

She sat up, keeping her eyes trained on the moon. She had the irresistible urge to go for a walk. Her eyes drifted to the sleeping form on the couch at the foot of the bed. Cadvan was dead asleep, and likely wouldn't wake for anything, except maybe the morning bell. She also knew he'd be extremely upset if he woke and saw she wasn't there, but she decided to take the chance, seeing as his exhaustion the previous day would likely keep him asleep long enough for a quick stroll.

She flipped the covers off of her and turned so that her feet dangled off the bed. She paused, feeling herself out, but she felt alright. Cautiously, she placed a foot on the cool wood, and then the other. She stood, balancing on the bed, until she felt able to stand upright on her own. She knew from past experience that being kept in bed for days on end made it very difficult to then walk.

She walked slowly to a chair on the other side of the room where her cloak lay, both to steady herself, but also to keep Cadvan from waking. She pulled her cloak on and wrapped it tight around her before silently slipping out the door.

The night air was cool against her skin, but not uncomfortable. She felt at home, bathed in the moonlight as she breathed in the silence of the city. She sometimes felt suffocated surrounded by so many people, even before she was cooped up in bed. From the time she rose to when she went to bed, she was surrounded by people. And people could be exhausting, especially those who still came to thank her or hug her in the streets. Since moving to Innail semi-permanently, the residents grew used to her presence. But those from out of town would see her and recognize her, and instantly pay respects to the young woman who had saved their land. Maerad appreciated the thanks, but even four years after the fact, she never got used to the extra attention.

She walked down a side street lined with houses. She just wanted to be a normal girl. She wanted to work in a school, maybe teach writing one day. She wanted to have her own home and tend a garden. Her thoughts drifted to the children she often saw running around and playing, and she hoped one day she would have children of her own. But, bringing children into a world where their mother might die was cruel, in her opinion. Of course her own parents never knew what their fate would be, but Maerad could see her path clearly in front of her.

She sat on a bench by a park and thought about Cadvan. He would be a great father. The thought surprised her, but instead of pushing it away, she went with it. In the years since the Nameless One had been defeated, they bumbled around defining their relationship. It wasn't like siblings, Maerad knew after using her own brother for reference. Nor were they just friends. Their bond was something of a platonic soul mate, and she knew she would never be able to happily live without him. But romantically? Well, yes, she loved him. She loved him in in a way she'd never thought about before. It was like her love for Hem, but different at the same time.

Cadvan never pushed her, though. They sometimes kissed, their eyes lingered on each other longer now, and their touches were more personal or intimate. But even after all of these years, they never talked about what they were to each other. Maerad had a deep seeded distrust of men that was hard to shake, and Cadvan, even years later, still hurt from the destruction and death he had caused in his youth. Not to mention, Cadvan was patient. If they remained this way for the rest of their lives, he would never question it or ask for more. He would never push her, though sometimes Maerad wished he would, even just a little bit.

Maerad sighed and stood, making her way back to Silvia and Malgorn's house. Maybe she was overthinking all of this. They didn't need to define their relationship, everything was fine as it was. She would just have to accept that she was not meant to have a normal family, but instead be grateful for the friends who were like blood. She had her brother, she knew her distant relatives, and she had her friends. What else could she ask for?

She slipped back into bed and sat, looking at Cadvan's dark, blurred form in the night. Yes, she thought before settling back to sleep. Everything's alright. Besides, there are more important things to worry about now. Love? That's for people who aren't the chosen one.


	5. Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy monster chapter, batman! I didn't realize how long this one was when I wrote it, but I hope you enjoy it! Thanks to those who follow and faved this work! I know the fandom is small, but this is a labor or love for my favorite book series ever. Enjoy!

Maerad woke the next day in the late morning and was able to stay awake nearly all day, save for a mid afternoon nap. Cadvan sat with her, sometimes chatting, sometimes reading silently. Silvia spent nearly the entire day in the room, grateful that Maerad was awake. Maerad also took a warm, relaxing bath, with Silvia right outside just in case. But worry got the better of the woman and she came barging in, worried Maerad had fallen asleep and slipped underwater. But the girl was just fine. She was simply enjoying the warmth of the water on her aching body.

While Silvia combed and braided her hair, Cadvan went about his own business at the school, and the two girls talked for about an hour. When Cadvan returned, Maerad was under new sheets, sleeping more peacefully than she had in days. She woke, spent some time reading and writing for her lessons, had dinner, and then went to bed just before nightfall.

Cadvan stayed on the couch, as he did for the next few nights before Maerad finally released him to his own room. She hadn't meant to keep him there so long, but she'd never suggested he go to his chambers, and he figured she would still want him there. Besides, a part of him didn't want to leave, though he was grateful to be able to spread himself out on the large bed.

Maerad slowly got better and stronger, and she was now able to focus on Hem and reuniting with him. She and Cadvan poured over books in the library to figure out what her dreams meant, and every time a bird would sit on the window, she would jump up, hoping it carried a letter, but would usually just scare it away. There was also nothing to be found regarding her dreams, much to their dismay, though they knew Maerad was a special case and there wasn't likely to be much there anyway.

They slipped back into their old routine, almost forgetting about the dreams and worry. Maerad returned to classes, Cadvan to his work. Silvia and Malgorn helped run the city and everyone helped out around the house. Maerad allowed herself to feel normal, for the first time in a long time. She had no scary dreams, nothing to worry about.

Finally, three weeks after Maerad sent for Hem, she received a note that he was on his way. She read it to herself about five times over before Cadvan had grabbed it for himself, so he would know what was going on. Maerad was filled with relief. Her brother was coming. However, as Hem noted, it would take some time. Accidents were happening frequently, and he was the best healer they had. He would slip away within the next week or so when he could.

"What will you do when Hem gets here?" Cadvan asked her as she carefully folded the letter back into its envelope. Before she met Cadvan, she had never received any letters before, so she now kept every single one for her own personal record.

"I don't know," she admitted. "But when he gets here, I feel like everything will be much clearer. Hopefully, things will be peaceful until then."

Cadvan nodded. She called Hem here, not knowing for what, and just hoped things would work themselves out. It was crazy, but that was Maerad. The two siblings were powerful and together they could do just about anything. Cadvan shuddered to think about what would happen if the Dark ever got their hands on them. He was lucky he'd found both of them, though it had seemed so strange, almost hilarious at the time. There he was, all by himself, and suddenly he was a traveling Bard school.

"I should get to bed," Maerad said, standing from the chair she had been sitting on in the common room. "Silvia will kill me if I'm up too late." She sighed. "But I feel fine!"

"It's hard to know you're fine when you look so pale and thin," Cadvan commented with a laugh and stood, offering his arm to her. Maerad rolled her eyes but took it and the two made their way down the hall and up the stairs.

"That's not my fault," Maerad whined. "I'm not even that pale, but my hair is so dark it appears that way. Oh, if only I had Hem's coloring."

"You're beautiful as you are," Cadvan commented kindly, making Maerad flush red. "See, there's some color!" He teased with a laugh and promptly received a light whack on the arm for that comment.

They arrived at Maerad's room and she opened the door. "Goodnight, Cadvan," she said.

"Goodnight, my love," Cadvan said if only to cause her further embarrassment. Maerad shut the door without another word and turned to get ready for bed.

By the time she pulled back the covers, the heat in her cheeks had faded, and she began to read her school book by the candle light. She rested back, feeling tired, but not awful as she had in the past few weeks. She was almost all better, she knew. Now she just had to convince Silvia of that fact!

As she read, she began to feel a sense of dread but figured it was just her emotions reacting to what she was reading. She was studying old poems and some were less than uplifting. The chill in the air, she attributed to the window being open and she snuggled further under the covers.

She placed a bookmark on the crease of the page and placed the text on her nightstand. As she moved to put out the candle, she heard a movement and she whipped around, staring at the room before her. Her heart was pounding and she felt a familiar sense of doom in her gut, but she saw nothing and figured she was just paranoid. Again, she moved to grab the candle but heard another sound, this time the squeaking of a board and an attempt to touch her mind. She frantically lashed out and heard a thud. Someone was in the room and she had just pushed them back.

She sprung from the bed, dragging the covers off with her. She knocked into the table and her book fell to the ground with a thump, but the candle held on. Maerad focused her energy on creating a light and used it to examine the room. There, in the corner by the closet, was a Hull.

She felt it was a Hull before she even saw it, but her eyes confirmed her prior beliefs. Its eyes were dull, its bony hands outstretched, and Maerad had only a moment to jump back before a bolt of black energy was hurled at her.

She landed against the opposite wall, wincing at the impact and shot back a white flame. "Get out!" She shouted, enraged that someone would dare to disrupt her peaceful night, and also scared because she thought the Hulls were gone. "Get out!" Another flame burst forth and sent the Hull back into the closet. She heard the snap and crack of hangers and poles and heard her clothes hit the ground.

The Hull got back up and moved so quickly, Maerad didn't have time to react before a bolt hit her in the chest this time. She felt pain, of course, but also found herself hysterically crying. She screamed, feeling sadness and despair she had never felt before. She retaliated with a white flame but succeeded in only pushing the Hull back again.

The door to the room flung open and Cadvan appeared, a worried look on his face. He saw Maerad in the corner, her hand raised out to attack the Hull, who he laid eyes on with surprise and anger. He flew towards the intruder, sending out his own attack and was promptly pushed back. He fell onto the bed and then rolled off onto the ground with a thud.

"Cadvan!" Maerad cried out. She hadn't been able to see how badly he had been hit and feared the worst. Now, she was truly alone. Silvia and Malgorn were away, out in the countryside for a brief visit and wouldn't be back until morning. If this Hull was to be defeated, it would be by Maerad's hands. She stood, straining against the darkness surrounding herself and the Hull and hit back as hard as she could.

There was a flash, and then a bright light, and then silence. Maerad could only hear her own heavy breathing as she cautiously stepped forward to see where her attacker went. And there, on the ground, was an ash heap, covered with a dark cloak. The Hull was dead.

Maerad fell to the ground and relief and clutched herself, shaking. A Hull? But she had won that are. Where were they coming from? She breathed in heavy short puffs, trying to calm her racing heart. She had almost succeeded when she remembered Cadvan.

Scrambling up, Maerad about fell flat on her face as she stumbled and tripped to the corner of the room. She flung herself down and turned her friend over, checking for a pulse, which she quickly found, much to her relief. She laid his head in her lap and brushed his long brown hair out of his face. The bright lines of his scar stood out, even in the dim moonlight. He was unconscious, and Maerad didn't have enough experience in healing to bring him around.

She used the last bit of strength she had that night to lift him haphazardly onto the bed. It was a struggle since she was so little and weak after the fight, and he was so heavy, but she managed it. She thought to see to the ashes in the corner of the room, but she was so tired that she simply collapsed on top of Cadvan and fell dead asleep.

* * *

 

The first thing Cadvan realized was that he had a heavy weight on top of him. He then heard early morning birds chirping, but saw no bright light, so he could only assume the day had only barely begun. Groaning, he lifted a hand to his head, struggling to remember what had left him in such a state. That was when he remembered the Hull and his eyes shot open.

He found himself face to face with a dark clump of hair. Confused, he sat up a little, but soon discovered that the weight on him was Maerad, who had fallen asleep directly on top of him. She was curled into his chest, her hand clutching his shirt with such earnest, he wondered briefly if she would ever let go. Cadvan found himself flustered and embarrassed, and didn't know how to get out of this position should someone come into the room. But, he saw Maerad's light breathing and realized that the only thing that truly mattered was that she was alive.

He placed a hand on the back of her head and stroked her hair as he leaned back into the pillows. A Hull? What on earth had happened in the moments leading up to him coming into the room? And how in the world was a Hull still around and still so strong?

He only pondered a little because Maerad stirred shortly after him. She groaned, not wanting to wake. She was so comfortable and warm, and she was scared of what the waking world would bring her. It had brought the Hull the night before. She took a breath and breathed in a warm, familiar scent, though she was far too exhausted to place it. Unbeknownst to her, Cadvan was watching and placed a hand on her back, smiling to himself. He was glad to see she was alright. She lifted her head and stared right into his eyes. Startled, she jumped, and sat up, rolling off of him slightly so that she was kneeling on the bed.

"Cadvan! I'm sorry-" she started.

Cadvan merely laughed. "It's alright, Maerad. I can only imagine your exhaustion. And you seemed to sleep so well." Maerad turned a faint shade of red. Yes, she had slept well.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I was about to ask you the same," Cadvan replied. "Yes, I'm fine. Aching and tired, but fine. And you?"

"The same," Maerad said shortly and looked away. She was both worried for her friend and embarrassed at having fallen asleep on top of him. But, she also couldn't help but have enjoyed the peaceful sleep next to him.

"Maerad, what happened?" Cadvan asked.

"I don't know. I was just about to go to bed," she explained, "I had just finished studying some poems for the night. But then I hear something. And then I saw it. And then everything's a blur until it was gone and I saw you on the ground." She took a breath. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Cadvan sighed heavily. "I took quite a hit. I still feel awful. But I'm alright, my dear."

Maerad glanced out the window. No one would be up for hours, the sun was only just barely peeking out through the trees. She yawned and felt weary. What a month. Cadvan noticed and began to sit up.

"Come on," he said, pulling the blankets next to him back as he got out of the bed. "Go back to sleep, we'll talk more about this in the morning."

Maerad laid down and let Cadvan cover her with the blankets. She thought for a moment to ask him to stay but felt too shy. As she watched him tiredly exit her room, she wished he was with her as she fell back to sleep.

* * *

 

Maerad woke to shouts. She shot up in the bed and looked around, but her vision had not caught up with her consciousness. She blinked away the sleep in her eyes and rubbed them, but found she could still barely see. She took a deep breath and doubled over with coughs. The house was burning.

Still exhausted, she flung the covers off and rushed to the door, but stopped. If the house was burning, her things were burning as well. She knew going back to items was silly, especially in a dangerous situation, but she'd only just gotten used to even having things in the first place. And, at the very least, many were precious, especially her rare and important lyre.

So, she took a moment to run around her room, gathering her things into her satchel. She left behind her sword and clothes, but her few prized possessions all fit and were all found quickly.

As she grabbed the door handle, she flinched, feeling the heat seep through the metal. The fire was close, if not right outside her door. But she had no choice. The windows were too small to climb out of, and there was no other escape. So, bracing herself, she quickly opened the door and ran.

She felt the fire licking her skin but realized as she made it to the top of the stairs that she didn't burn. She glanced at her skin and noticed that, while the flames engulfed her, she didn't feel pain. But still, she could barely breathe, and she also could not assure the safety of her belongings.

Maerad flew down the stairs quicker than she ever had in her life and stumbled out the door immediately to her left. She coughed and gasped, trying to take in as much of the fresh, crisp morning air as she could.

"Maerad!" Silvia was running to her and wrapped her arms around the girl as she pulled her away from the house. "Oh thank the Light you're alright! We woke to the smoke. No idea how it started, but we feared it was up near your chambers. We got outside and they wouldn't let us back in." Maerad took the chance to look at the woman and saw that her face was covered with soot, streaked only by tears.

Maerad and Silvia joined Malgorn and the other bards who lived in the house, but Maerad instantly knew Cadvan wasn't among them.

"Cadvan," she said. "Where is he?"

Silvia shook her head. "We thought he was with you." She gazed back at the house, currently engulfed with flames as Bards used magic and townspeople used water to try and tame it. "He must still be inside."

Maerad fearfully looked back and dropped her satchel at Silvia's feet. Before anyone could stop her, she had taken off running into the building. She knew she wouldn't burn.

She made her way back into the building and up the stairs to Cadvan's room. The flames licked her, but she was right. She didn't burn. The smoke did burn her throat but felt no heat from the flames. As she approached Cadvan's room, she saw instantly what was wrong. A dresser was pushed against the door, keeping Cadvan trapped inside.

With all of her strength, she threw herself at the dresser and managed to push it away. She grabbed the handle and opened the door running into the room as quickly as her legs would carry her.

She managed to find Cadvan amidst all the smoke and flames. He was off to the side on the ground, his hands bruised from struggling to open the door. That also explained why he didn't fly into Maerad's room as fast as he could when the fire started.

With her heart in her throat, Maerad dropped next to him and felt for a pulse. It was there, but weak, and he was barely breathing. The smoke was suffocating him. While it burned and hurt Maerad's throat, she could still breathe. Again, gathering her strength, she managed to drag Cadvan out of the room, down the hall, and out the door.

A few healers rushed over the moment they saw them exit the house and took Cadvan away. Maerad tried to follow, but in her daze, she was easily stopped by Silvia who scolded her furiously until she realized that Maerad's skin had not burned.

"How did you know?" she asked as her anger and worry turned to amazement.

"I had a dream," Maerad answered, looking around her, trying to see where they had taken Cadvan. Silvia frowned at the silly answer, but she'd known Maerad long enough to know this was a very valid response.

"Come on Maerad, let's go to the hospital," she said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and leading her away. "You look exhausted, and it's a decent place to rest."

* * *

 

Maerad wasn't fond of the hospital. It was dull and scary for her. While it was a place of hope and life often, she had experienced it during the Battle of Innail and all she'd wanted to do was get out. She sat on a chair in the main room with Silvia and Malgorn and one other Bard who lived in the house that had just burned. Malgorn had a bandage wrapped around his arm, having been burned. Silvia had cleaned her face and looked alright, aside from the downcast look on her face. The other Bard was alright as well, though some others were still being treated, though none seriously.

"I'm so sorry," a healer said to Malgorn when they had first come in, but Malgorn waved the comment away.

"It's a house, we'll rebuild it. We have the finest builders in Innail," he said. "I'm more worried about my friends."

Now Maerad was stuck in this room, surrounded by Malgorn and Silvia, but she felt so alone. She stared out the window, leaning back in her chair. She felt so exhausted, but she couldn't sleep until she knew Cadvan was alright.

And why was that dresser placed against his door? That was deliberate, and Maerad knew it was work of the Dark. It wasn't a huge leap to guess that it was the same force who Cadvan had helped her push back. They wanted Cadvan gone, and they knew they couldn't defeat Mearad if she had helped.

Her head snapped up as a healer she knew was working with Cadvan came into the room. "He's stable," the woman said before anyone else could speak. "But hurt and burned. He should be alright."

"Can we see him?" Maerad asked quickly. The woman stared for a moment, first realizing this was Maerad of Pellinor and marveling at that, and then realizing the answer was no to everyone else. But she couldn't bring herself to tell the Maid of Innail 'no.'

"Uh, yes, right this way. One at a time, though," she said nervously and Maerad stood to follow. Malgorn and Silvia watched her go.

The room Cadvan was in was empty except for a bed, an end table, and a chair. It was a private room, and Maerad was grateful. She wordlessly sat down next to the bed and held Cadvan's bandaged hand in her own. His face was dark with soot, but it made the scar stand out, perhaps more so than when his face was pale. His breathing was better and he seemed to be peacefully asleep. Maerad was grateful and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

This was all her fault.

Whatever darkness was inside her, whatever she was trying to push back had done this to him. For all the powers she had, she felt completely and utterly powerless. Besides, she thought, what good was her Gift if all it did was take her friends away from her?

'Why can't I just be normal?' she thought ruefully, glaring down at the sheets on the bed. She never asked for all of this, she never wanted to be the fated one, or the chosen one, or the Maid of Innail, or whatever else people had taken to calling her. She didn't want to stick out on walks or have people throw themselves at her feet. And she certainly didn't want to continue dealing with the Dark. She might be one of the most powerful Bards in all of Annar, but she was still just a young girl, barely an adult. Most twenty-one year olds were finishing school, picking a profession, enjoying their families.

But here Maerad was, once again sitting at the side of a hurt friend, exhaustion deep in her bones as usual. At least he was okay. That was what she had to tell herself. At least he survived. It wasn't much consolation and it didn't make her feel entirely better, but it helped in its own way.

She didn't know when, but eventually, she had leaned forward, still clutching Cadvan's hand, and laid her head on top of her other arm on the bed. It would be just for a moment, she told herself, just to rest her eyes. But, the second she closed them, she had fallen asleep.


	6. Love

It was the next day before either awoke. A blanket had been draped around Maerad, brought to her by Silvia, who decided that it wasn't worth it to wake the girl and try to get her to leave the room. She slept bent over on the bed, her back curved away from the chair she was sitting on. One arm supported her head on the side of the bed, and the other hand grasped Cadvan's hand.

The morning light shone through the only window and directly into Cadvan's eyes. He groaned as he awoke, his head pounding and his bones aching. He could scarcely remember the night of the fire and tried to gain back his bearings before he tried to open his eyes. He remembered going to bed and then waking up to a fire in his room. He tried to leave but couldn't and collapsed. He knew he wasn't dead if his pain was any indication, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

He opened his eyes, blinking against the light and sat up as much as he could to try to get out from the direct line of the sun. He was in a single, bare room, and it wasn't even a few seconds before his eyes landed on the black curls hiding Maerad's sleeping face. He gazed at her lovingly and moved his hand out of her grasp so he could place it on the familiar locks. At least she was alright. He had been so frightened at not being able to get to her.

He sat like that for quite a while, just focusing on breathing clean air and trying to ignore his pains. About an hour or so later, he felt Maerad move against his absent minded stroking of her hair.

Maerad hurt all over, though certainly not as bad as Cadvan. Her back ached at the unnatural position she had been in for so many hours and she found herself longing for a warm bath. She also felt a soft weight on her head, but it was removed before she could detect what it was. Nonetheless, she sat up, twisting her back until she heard and felt the satisfying pops. She leaned back with a sigh into the chair and opened her eyes to find Cadvan looking right back at her with a coy smile.

"Cadvan!" she exclaimed, about falling out of the chair in surprise that her friend was awake and seemed, at least at quick glance, alright.

"Good morning," Cadvan replied warmly. "And welcome to my… very humble abode." Maerad opened her mouth to reply, but decided not to in favor of jumping up and throwing her arms around Cadvan. It hurt, yes, but Cadvan was not one to deny a hug from Maerad, no matter the reason. He wrapped his arms around her as best he could and eventually reached up to brush some hair away that had fallen on her face. That was when he felt the dampness of tears.

His eyes met hers, and he gave her a questioning look. She sighed and tried to will away the tears, wiping the ones that had fallen on her cheeks.

"This is all my fault," she said as she sat on the side of the bed. "You're hurt, again, because of me."

Cadvan frowned at her. "You know that's not true."

"No, I know it is true," Maerad said, her eyes flashing with something Cadvan almost mistook for anger. Perhaps it wasn't anger at his comment, but more anger at the situation. But he felt her buzzing with… something. Not ire, but something in between worry, angst, and passion.

"You were hurt because of me," she continued. "Whatever it is I'm trying to push away came after you because you tried to help me. If you had just left when I told you to…!" Her voice took on an almost accusatory tone, though she knew what wasn't fair.

"What was I to do, then Maerad?" Cadvan asked, agitation showing in his voice. "Watch you die? Let the Hull destroy you?"

Maerad looked down and away, hiding her face from him. She thought about answering but knew an honest answer would only agitate him more. Cadvan sighed, knowing what her response would be. He took her hand, trying to get her to look at him once again, but she would not.

"Maerad," he said kindly, trying to wipe away the stress in his voice. "I cannot even begin to understand the Gift you have or what you are going through. I can't do much to help you. But I also cannot stand by and watch you get hurt. I know you worry about my helping you, but there is nothing in this world that would stop me from doing everything I can to save you, even if it is futile."

"But then you end up like this," Maerad said in a small voice. She felt like a young child, stupid and immature, and could not bring herself to look at him.

"Yes. But I would rather be injured helping you than be safe while I watched you get hurt… Or worse." He paused, reaching up to place a hand on her cheek. At that, Maerad finally looked at him with great reluctance. She could only meet his eyes for a moment before she glanced down at the sheets. At least, Cadvan figured, she was turned in his direction.

"I do not know what I would do if I lost you," he said after a long pause, looking at her earnestly.

"Well, I don't know what I would do if I lost you," Maerad responded. "Especially if it was my fault. Which all of this seems to be."

Cadvan suddenly chuckled, and the break in the atmosphere caused Maerad to look up at him quizzically. He couldn't seriously be laughing at a time like this! "Then it seems we are in agreement that we would not like to lose each other," he joked before his face grew more serious. "Maerad, this is how the Dark works. It tries to get people to place blame on themselves or others when really it is the work of the Dark itself causing harm."

Maerad let that sink in for a moment before she finally looked at him again. But, her eyes were hard with an emotion Cadvan couldn't quite place, and he wasn't sure if he felt nervous under her gaze. "Cadvan," she said carefully, as though testing the weight of his name on her lips. "Do you love me?"

Cadvan gave her a surprised look, that soon turned into pure confusion. What in the world kind of question was that? Then again, he figured as he paused to consider his reply, they rarely talked about their relationship outside of the terms of general friendship. But, she had to know that he did. "Of course I do," he said almost defensively.

Maerad nodded, unsure of why she bothered to ask in the first place. She didn't know what to do with that information and wasn't sure how to respond. So she sat in silence while Cadvan studied her face, trying to figure out what had prompted such a question. Finally, after a long pause of silence, Cadvan heavily leaned back against the pillows. He was exhausted, and Maerad was, unfortunately, not helping.

"Maerad, do not doubt that I love you," he said tiredly.

"I don't," Maerad said, turning defensive herself. "I just… Well, I didn't… know."

Cadvan gave her a sly smile and chuckled a little. "So, you doubted."

"No!" Maerad paused and then sighed. "I don't know, everything is just so… strange. I don't know how to do. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. I just want to feel normal. I don't want my friends getting hurt because of me." She paused and knew Cadvan would rebuke that last part. "Or because the Dark is after me. Why can't I just settle down, improve my writing, maybe teach? Travel? Anything but having to deal with all of this."

"If you were normal, you would want to be special," Cadvan said wisely. "You wouldn't want to be normal. Normal is boring."

"A little bit of normal would go a long way right about now." Maerad scowled ruefully and then let out a sigh. "I'm sorry. Everything is moving so fast and… I don't know what I want. I hope Hem gets here soon."

"I'm sure he will." Cadvan shut his eyes for a moment before wearily opening them. Maerad noted how small and tired he looked in the old hospital bed. She was exhausted too. She might have slept quite a while, but it certainly wasn't good sleep.

"You should rest," Maerad said, standing up. "I'll go eat something. Silvia will be all over me if I don't soon. I'm surprised she left me where I was last night."

Cadvan nodded and wordlessly closed his eyes again, thankful for the break. Maerad gathered her things and moved to the door. As she touched the handle, she had a thought and turned around. She paused, watching Cadvan for a moment before saying very softly, "And Cadvan? I love you too." She then turned and quickly walked out.

A small smile spread on Cadvan's lips, and that was the last thing he heard before drifting into a restful sleep.

* * *

Cadvan spent a few days in the hospital and then moved to the temporary house Silvia and Malgorn were living in while theirs was rebuilt. They hadn't lost nearly as much as they thought, and it would likely only take a month or two to finish the repairs. But, they were more grateful that their friends were safe.

Maerad was a little less optimistic, as she missed her room. She never had a room before the one in that house and now, like many other things, it was gone. She daydreamed about the times she would come home after a long journey and take a bath before wrapping herself in her sheets on her bed and look out her window. Of course, it was Silvia and Malgorn's house, but everyone was in agreement that the room Maerad had first slept in when she came to Innail five years before was her own.

Cadvan and Maerad didn't discuss what they had talked about in his room after the fire. They did briefly talk about the Darkness, and what she could do. The short conversation always ended the same way: she needed Hem. But, Cadvan grew worried for her, since she seemed to be closing in on herself. She didn't talk as openly as she had before. Where she had been a confident young woman who happily chatted to anyone just a few months ago, now stood a girl who stayed in her room for much of the day.

And Maerad couldn't quite figure out why she wanted to hide away. Something called her to stay away from her friends. She was also worried she would get them hurt again and longed for Hem to come so they could figure this out and get back to their lives.

"Cadvan?" Maerad asked one evening when her need to speak to him outweighed her compulsion to be alone. He looked up from the book he was reading by the fire and smiled warmly at her.

"Maerad! To what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked as Maerad took a hesitant seat across from him. She sat with one leg tucked under her and the other on the ground. She looked ready to escape at any moment.

"I need to speak with you," she said. "I think… I think we should leave Innail." Cadvan frowned. Of all the things he thought she would say, that was not one of them. But sensing her passion and urgency, he placed a marker in the book and closed it.

"Why?" he asked, leaning forward.

"The people here are not safe with me," Maerad said. "Something's coming. It's been waiting and now it's coming and we have to leave." She sounded almost frantic but didn't want Silvia and Malgorn to overhear, so she spoke in a frenzied whisper. She paused for a moment. "Well, I have to leave.." She trailed off and looked into the fire, her jaw set in determination, but her eyes shining with worry.

"I will not stay if you leave." Cadvan finally said after a long moment. He was going to tell her she couldn't leave, but five years of knowing the girl taught him that he could tell her anything he wanted, but she was going to do as she pleased. And once she had decided something, getting her to change her mind was no easy task. Maerad simply nodded, expecting no different an answer.

"Alright then. As soon as Hem gets here, we must go." Maerad said. "He's close."

"How do you know?"

"He's my brother. I just do." Cadvan sighed at that explanation, but it was the same she always gave when that question was asked. He would have given anything to know how she felt when Hem was close, or how she knew he was alive or sick. Sure, siblings could be close. He thought his and his own siblings were close, though it was hard with him being the only Bard in the family. But, he had never heard of siblings-Bard or otherwise-who had the kind of connection Maerad and Hem did. Perhaps that was just another example of their special Gift.

"And where will we go when he gets here?" Cadvan asked.

"I don't know," Maerad responded honestly. "But things will be clearer when he gets here. I'll know then." She thought for a moment. "I think we just need to get out of Innail. The Dark will find me, but it will come after everything I am surrounded by to get to me."

Cadvan almost asked if she was sure she wasn't paranoid, but she was not one to give in to paranoia. She looked dead serious, and Cadvan knew that she was certain about the path she had chosen. And, after everything he had taught her over the years, he certainly could not ask her to ignore her instincts.

"Alright," Cadvan said, leaning back. "We'll leave when Hem's here." He paused and studied Maerad's face for a moment. She wasn't looking at him but was gazing into the fire. He had never asked how he managed to make it out of the burning house, but he assumed it had something to do with this strange Gifted girl before him.

"Maerad," he ventured. She didn't look over at him but acknowledged his speaking with a nod. "Please just know that, while I cannot understand what you are dealing with, that I am with you always. You are not alone in this, no matter how you feel."

This only caused Maerad to turn away from him, her hair hiding her face. He analyzed what he had just said and worried he had offended her, though he knew not how. But, when she turned back to look at him, tears shone in her eyes. He was taken aback, but smiled kindly and stood.

"I think I'll retire now," he said. "Even after all this rest I still find myself tired." He chuckled. Maerad watched him gather his book and stood with him. She wordlessly walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He was surprised, but touched, and closed her into a hug, his book dangling out of his hand behind her back. He placed the other hand on her hair and brushed some of it back.

After a long minute, she pulled away, her eyes puffy and a wet stain left behind on Cadvan's stomach. He lovingly wiped a tear or two away and leaned down to kiss her head. "I think you should retire as well," he said. "Having the weight of the world on your shoulders does not make for a relaxed evening." Maerad shook her head in agreement and the two made their way upstairs.

They stopped at Maerad's door first and she paused before opening it. "Cadvan," she said, looking at him. "Thank you. I know I have you, and always will. I appreciate that more than you know. I just want you to be safe."

Cadvan placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled back at her. "And I could say the same back to you." He hesitated but decided to lean down and peck her lips softly. To his surprise and delight, she returned the soft kiss by pressing into him and smiling. Cadvan realized, his heart fluttering, that this was the first time she had really smiled in broke apart, still looking at each other before Maerad turned to go into her room and Cadvan left to his.

As she pulled her nightgown on, her cheeks faded from the red they had been moments ago and thought about Cadvan, and the kiss, as she climbed into bed. For the first time in a long time, she actually felt truly happy. It was starting to fade and the lingering sense of dread was slowly coming back, but there was no denying that Cadvan had an amazing effect on her.

'Maybe,' she thought as she settled herself under the covers, 'Maybe there is room on my path for love.'


	7. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the continued support on this fic! Even the few reviews and favs make me smile because I know how small the Pellinor fandom is and I SO appreciate you taking the time to read and comment! As always, enjoy!

 

They didn't speak about their intimate moment the next morning, nor the next day. However, much to Cadvan's delight, Maerad did seem to open up a little more after that. Whatever had been compelling her to stay away from everyone was losing to her will to be close to her friends, and for that he was thankful. She still seemed rather sullen, but that could also be explained as her anxiously awaiting her brother's arrival, for which no one could fault her for.

It was only a few days later that a letter arrived for Maerad. Knowing it was from her brother, she grabbed it from the bird with only a hastily mumbled thank you before tearing it open to read. Cadvan, who was sat across from her watched intently as her eager face turned from being excited, to becoming dark and withdrawn. She set the letter on the table and stared down at the hardwood in front of her, but Cadvan knew she was lost in thought. He reached out and placed a hand on hers.

"Maerad? What does it say?" He knew it couldn't be good. Maerad just shook her head.

"He's not coming," she said in a small voice. Cadvan was struck. Surely Hem sensed the urgency in Maerad's letters! What could be preventing the boy from making the journey? He was about to voice these questions when Maerad continued. "He was ambushed on his way up from the South. He's alright, but he also received word that there were more accidents, and those accidents might not actually be, well… accidental." She leaned forward and placed her head in her hands. "He's in danger too."

"It's probably just wayward bandits and careless construction workers," Cadvan said kindly, trying to be optimistic, though, he noted, he wouldn't have believed himself if he were in Maerad's position.

"No, no," Maerad said, almost in a pleading whine. "No, I know that whatever is coming after me is also going after Hem. And even if we left this moment I don't think we'll make it in time." She looked at Cadvan with a worried expression. "We have to do this alone."

Cadvan wasn't sure if the 'we' referenced Maerad and Hem, or Maerad and himself, though he was sure she meant it both ways. Still, he squeezed the hand he was still resting his own on and offered a smile. "Maerad, you're powerful enough."

"No, I'm not!"

At this the man frowned, wishing with all his heart the girl in front of him would just believe in herself. "Maerad," he said, "You are Elednor, the Fated One. You are the Fire Lily and one of only a few survivors of the sacking of Pellinor. You defeated the Nameless One-"

"With Hem's help!"

Cadvan shot her an unguarded glare and she quieted, feeling bad for interrupting. "Yes, he helped, but it was you who had the visions of the Dead, and you who lead the way into the Singing. Hem is powerful in his own right, of course, but as we learned, you are the most Gifted. And I also know that this is not nearly as powerful as the Nameless One. The Dark is severely weakened, so you absolutely can do this. It will be hard, but I have no doubt in your abilities. So, why do you doubt yourself?"

Maerad looked away, unable to meet his gaze. He was right and she knew it, but she still chose to ignore the question altogether. "How do you know this isn't as powerful?" she asked. Cadvan sighed.

"I felt the Nameless One. And, I have felt this. And I do not know if this is weaker or if you are stronger, though I chose to believe both, more so the later. Where is this doubt coming from?" he questioned again. "Of all the people to be doubting themselves, I am surprised the Maid of Innail is one of them."

Maerad just shrugged at the question this time. She didn't know, but she certainly wasn't going to voice that to Cadvan. It would not be an acceptable answer, for surely she should know why she couldn't bring herself to believe that she would be able to defeat this. But, something about this force… something sinister, caused her to doubt herself more than she ever had before. Deep down, she knew she was just buying into the tricks of the dark, and she was too ashamed to admit it.

"I need to go to my room," Maerad said shortly and stood. Cadvan called to her a few times, but she pretended not to hear as she walked up the stairs. She felt bad about running off and knew it was rude of her to do so, but Cadvan's certainty in her abilities was almost maddening. She knew he was right, and she needed to believe in herself more, but she was in no mood for patting herself on the back. She needed to figure out where to go from here, now that Hem wasn't going to be able to help.

She pondered leaving Innail, as she had planned to before, but now her path wasn't as clear as it had been before she found that Hem wouldn't be coming. But then again, should she stay, she risked putting the entire town in danger… Again. She shuddered at the memory of that terrible night when she had to do everything in her power to push the Darkness back. So many had died in the icy cold, and Maerad and Cadvan also almost perished. She was just moments away from Cadvan being slain when she finally won the fight. It had taken months after that to rebuild the damaged parts of the School, but all the time in the world would not heal the broken families.

Distractedly, she began throwing things into her pack. It was not quite as ceremonious as it had been when she would pack up her room at Silvia and Malgorn's home, but then again, this was not their home and this was not her room. When her pack was full, and she was essentially ready to go, she paused. Was she really about to leave without so much as a goodbye to her dear friends?

Yes.

Maerad knew if she told anyone of her plans, they would insist on following her. And the doom that had not left the pit of her stomach insisted that if they followed, they would die. Maerad didn't know why she trusted that instinct. She knew in the recesses of her mind that it was a false intuition. It was planted by the Dark. But, Maerad realized with defeat, she was not strong enough to push it away. And, a part of her truly believed that her friends would die by following her. It was something she had always felt, but now she had something validating that thought.

It was almost afternoon, and she knew that Silvia and Malgorn were gone, either to do their Bard business as members of the First Circle or to go check on the rebuilding of their home. She also knew that Cadvan had business at the School today, and would likely be there or at the library now. Briefly, she sent out her hearing and knew she was alone in the home, save for a Bard who lived there who didn't know her and wouldn't care if she was coming or going.

Now was her chance. She grabbed her pack and her cloak and made her way to the stables, careful to not let anyone see her. She found her trusty mare, Imi munching happily on hay. As she approached, the horse whinnied with happiness at seeing her friend and excitedly stomped her hooves.

 _My friend!_  Imi exclaimed in the Speech.  _You must try some of this hay! It's delicious!_

Maerad laughed in spite of herself and stroked Imi's mane.

 _I think I'll pass,_  Maerad declined.  _But we must leave now._

If the horse could frown, she would. Imi was not keen on leaving Innail, especially not after having such a delicious meal.  _We have to go? But why?_

_Because Innail is in danger, and we have to save it._

_But what of your friend? Is he not coming? And Darsor?_

Maerad shook her head and began to get Imi ready. She had no time to explain everything if the mare was just going to keep asking questions.

Imi _, it's alright. You are such a strong and powerful horse. Do you really think we need Darsor and Cadvan?_  Maerad felt bad, playing on Imi's pride like that. She knew her steed would not be able to resist proving that she was just as much of a fighter as the large and grand Darsor. As expected, she gave an impatient snort.

_No! I was just asking. Let's go then!_

And so Maerad quickly dressed the horse, climbed on, and rode away. The hood of her cloak shielded her face, so that those who saw her pass by through the gates of the School would not know nor care who she was.

When Cadvan returned home that night, he noted he had not seen or heard from Maerad all day. Worried for his friend, he went upstairs and rapped lightly on her door. After a few minutes, he grew concerned and burst in, but did not find the girl. Maerad was gone.


	8. Into the Woods

Rain pelted Marad unforgivingly. If only she had paused to feel the air, she would have easily been able to tell that rain was coming. It was a hard storm, and Maerad heard the rumble of thunder above the constant rain. She felt absolutely foolish, but when Imi questioned if they should turn around, Maerad stubbornly said they must keep going. The horse didn't question Maerad, who was not only her master in a way, but also her friend. She had the utmost trust in her.

If only Maerad had that kind of confidence in herself. Perhaps then she would have stayed in Innail where it was safe, and where her friends were. But, she also had an unwavering sense of duty to protect them, and if she was the danger, she would simply remove herself.

Her thoughts drifted to Cadvan, and she sadly weighed the thought of how he felt finding her gone. It was not fair of her to leave without a word, but if it meant keeping him safe, she would gladly do it. She realized then, in the pouring rain, that when it came to Cadvan, it wasn't a sense of friendship that compelled her to protect him, but a sense of love. Of course, she wanted to keep Silvia, Malgorn, and the citizens of Innail safe, and she couldn't imagine life without them. But, without Cadvan, Maerad couldn't imagine continuing to live as well. When she thought she had lost him years ago, she almost accepted Ardinia's offer of death. But then, she had a duty to protect Annar from a force that threatened to wipe it out. In this case, it seemed a force wanted to destroy Maerad and didn't care what was in its path. So, if Maerad took herself out of the picture, everyone would be safe.

At least, that was what she told herself, but the sinking feeling of doom never went away. She was certain she would feel a little more confident after she left, but she still felt terrible. She felt lost and foolish, and downright stupid. If she couldn't even trust her own heart, what could she trust?

Finally, after what felt like a very wet eternity, Maerad could see a cave carved out in the mountains she was riding through.

 _Imi, there!_  She said to her friend, who was startled at the sudden speech. Stop at that cave over there. I'll guide you. We'll camp there for the night.

Imi didn't respond but neighed in agreement and soon the two were trying to dry off in the cave Maerad sensed as a safe space for Bards.

 _Maerad, what are we doing out here?_ Imi asked.  _It's cold and raining. Where are we going?_

Maerad sighed as she used a towel to dry her sopping wet hair.  _Imi, do you trust me?_

_Of course! Have I made you think I don't?_

_No. But do trust me. I don't know where we need to go, but my heart tells me we have to leave Innail._  Maerad placed a hand on Imi's wet hide.  _I_ _t's to keep everyone safe. Once I figure out what I need to do, we'll be back in Innail as quickly as possible._

Imi was not too fond of the response, but she trusted Maerad with all of her heart. So, she just whinnied and grazed on some of the grass just outside of the cave, ignoring the feeling of the rain against her fur.

Maerad focused on drying by the fire she had started and eating the food she had brought with her. As it got later, she decided to lay down, hoping sleep would help her figure out what she should do next. However, Maerad found sleep hard to come by, and soon the rain had stopped, so she didn't even have the patter of the rain on the cave to help her sleep.

Finally, she decided to just get up and walk around, so she quietly crept out of the cave and into the wet, moon-bathed world before her. She breathed in the air, heavy with humidity, but still freeing than the city air. As much as she loved being in the city, she did miss the clean, wild air of the vast wilderness.

She followed a path that led to a small creek and sat upon a rock there, staring at the moon's reflection on the water. Maerad sighed, and let her mind empty for the first time in a while. So, when she heard a voice she nearly fell into the water from shock.

"Who's there?" she called, her hand going to her side where her sword was. There was a pause, and Maerad was almost sure it was just her mind playing tricks on her when it spoke again.

"There we are, away from friends. All alone in the wilderness. My, Elednor, what are you doing?" The voice pierced through Maerad like a knife and she felt an icy chill fill her body. She shivered and rubbed her arms, but the cold didn't subside.

"Who are you?" Maerad called out. Then the voice laughed. The laugh made Maerad feel a litany of emotions-embarrassment from being laughed at, shame from being made fun of, anger for daring to not answer her question.

"Who am I? Well, I suppose it has been a while…"

Maerad gasped. She knew who it was. Arkan. "Go away," she spat with fury, fire dripping from her words. She felt the icy presence wince at the sudden ire, but grow stronger.

"Yes, go away. Like you've asked everyone else to do, right, Maerad? Just push and push and push people away."

Maerad felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment and she folded her arms. She looked like a pouting child, upset at being called out for a mistake by her parents. And then there was the icy, infuriating laugh.

"You have let the Darkness enter your heart. Nicely done, Maerad. I figured it would take longer."

"So it was you!" Maerad shouted. "You're the one making me feel these things, sending Hulls after me, hurting my friends! I should have known."

"Silence, silly child." Maerad could almost hear the eye roll in the Winter King's bored tone. "You know I care not what the Dark does. No, this was not my doing. I just find it amusing that you've allowed this to take root."

Maerad was silent for a long while. She couldn't place why, but she felt bad for calling Arkan out for something he didn't do, even if he was the cause of many troubles in the past. "I didn't let this happen. It just did." she finally said in a sulky voice, doubting her words as they left her mouth.

"Yes, you did," Arkan insisted. "You defeated Sharma, and yet here you are, escaping from Innail. Out here in the woods. What are you hoping to accomplish? You really think you'll find what you're looking for out here? This is just the Dark luring you away to where you can't call for help."

"Then what is it that is after me?" Maerad asked. If Arkan was going to comment on her miserable life, he may as well help.

"The Dark. Do you listen, Elednor? Or just wait to speak?" he asked with contempt.

"What of the Dark?" Maerad asked, ignoring the slight. "Surely it is something more specific."

Arkan was silent for a moment, and Maerad knew he was debating whether or not to explain what was going on to her. "The Dark used Sharma," Arkan finally said. "Now that he is defeated, it is looking for someone else. Someone else who is powerful, with a Gift unmatched by any other."

Cold shock filled Maerad once more, though this time not from the Winter King himself, but from the weight of his words. The Darkness, after her? But she thought all was well when the Nameless One was gone. How could it possibly have the strength to come after her? And why?

"Please, Elednor, don't be so simple," Arkan said, sensing Maerad's confusion. "You know you are one of the most powerful in all of Annar. Perhaps one day, once you learn to use your powers to their fullest extent, you'll be the most powerful, of all time even. You think the Darkness doesn't want that? If it can control you, it controls all."

"I won't let it control me!" Maerad said, and the laughter immediately began again.

"You already have."

A silence fell over them again and Maerad felt completely helpless and small. "Then what are you doing here? Have you come just to taunt me?" she asked.

"Yes, but also to offer you a chance to come with me again. You made a terrible choice years ago, but why not change that now?" Maerad was caught off guard, though she should have known he would try to get her to come back and stay for good this time.

"No."

"Why not, Elednor? You've already defeated Sharma. That was the reason you gave back then. He's gone, and you'll be much safer with me than on your own. What is holding you back now?" Arkan's voice was strained, almost impatiently now. Maerad was silent and didn't answer. "It's that Lirigon man, isn't it?" Cadvan's kind face flashed before Maerad's eyes and she angrily pushed it away. She stubbornly remained silent, even as the laughter began.

"He's weak, Elednor. Someone of your power deserves much better than a simple Bard. You are so much more than that. He can't do your schooling justice. He can't even love and care for you the way an Elemental such as I can."

At that Maerad felt fury rushing through her. "Do not question his love! Just because he loves differently than you Elidhu's, doesn't mean it's wrong. And I am more Bard than anything else in my mind. If it is not so in my heart, I don't care. I am a Bard. I am human."

"I see I've struck a nerve." Arkan's presence recoiled at Maerad's outburst. "First, Elednor, you are much more than a simple Bard, even if you deny it. But this man has your heart, doesn't he?"

Again Maerad flushed and covered her face with her hands as if that would prevent the Winter King from sensing her embarrassment. She didn't speak, but that confirmed Arkan's suspicion more than if she had tried to argue.

"The Fire Lily, Elednor, in love with a lowly Truth Teller. My what a world. And he doesn't know, I presume. You really are no good with emotions. But I see that your love is true. Otherwise, you'd be with him, begging for his protection. Instead, you push him away to protect him yourself." Arkan paused for a moment, and Maerad felt a rush of sadness and worry fill her. It was almost unbearable, and she thought she was about to break into a million pieces. "I sense you feel that. Yes, the man is very distressed at your departure. He cannot sleep."

Maerad realized Arkan was letting her feel Cadvan's emotions, and she felt terrible. She had caused this. He was so worried and sad, and she also sensed a familiar feeling of regret. "I… I didn't mean to."

"Of course you did," Arkan said without any sympathy. "This is exactly what you wanted: You as far away from him as you can get. Of course you knew the sadness it would cause. I know you are not as stupid as you make yourself sound. You must have known."

And Maerad did, and she felt even worse. She wished the Winter King would leave, and she hated every bit of his presence that she could feel. She bit down on her lip and brought her knees to her chest. She felt like dying or sleeping forever. She wanted to be rid of all of these feelings. It seemed like it had been so long since she'd felt something even remotely like happiness. The memory of Cadvan kissing her came into her mind's eye, and she knew that was the last moment she had felt her heart flutter. It had only been for a moment, but it was like a drink of water in the hot desert. It was just enough, but she craved more.

"I have to push back this Darkness," Maerad said so that Arkan could hear her, though she did not care what his thoughts on the matter were. "And then I must go to him."

"So you will not come with me?" Arkan sounded disappointed but mostly annoyed and angry.

"No, I will never go with you," Maerad responded, testing her newfound bravery.

"Because you love this man?"

Maerad hesitated. "For many reasons," she finally said. "But, yes. Also because I love him."

And with that, Arkan's presence left. She still felt chilly, but the cold she felt in her bones was gone, replaced with a confidence she hoped she could grow.

After a few more minutes, she picked herself up off the rock and went back to the cave.

* * *

The next morning, Maerad's mind was clear. She felt that she knew what she needed to do. She told Imi to stay and graze by the cave, and also let her know if anything approached. Maerad went back down to the creek and sat on the rock, but pulled her lyre out of her pack.

Her lyre was a beautiful, ancient thing, and had helped defeat the Nameless One. Most importantly to Maerad, it defeated years of loneliness at Gilman's Cot, and also while on the roads on her journey. But without the music, Maerad was sure she would have killed herself, or let herself whither away while a slave in the Cot. Playing it, even for rowdy, touchy drunks, brought her much peace. It also brought her closer to those she played with, and as she stared down at the beautiful carvings, she wished Cadvan was there to play their favorite duet.

But this was something she had to do on her own. She figured that, since the first time the Darkness attacked her was when she was trying to play the lyre, she would simply do that again to bait it back. She focused her magic on regrowing her fingers she had lost, and the golden light reflected off the water below.

She stroked the strings gently, creating beautiful music, and began to softly sing a ballad she loved. It was about a beautiful young woman, and it often reminded her of her late mother.

All was well for a few minutes, and the stillness of the forest bent to the melody that spilled from the small lyre. However, a sense of pain came over Maerad, though she continued to play through. This was it, she noted. This was how she felt when she was attacked at the party. It was here, and she felt its dark presence so forcefully, she even wished that Arkan was back instead of this.

Gritting her teeth, she played through, until a bolt of black energy surged through her, causing her to stumble and fall backward off the rock. She landed painfully on her back, gripping her lyre as her hair mingled with the sand on the creek's edge. She felt dampness from the water on her legs and lower back, but was too focused on fighting back the surge of Darkness to care that she was wet.

She reached for the strings, her hands feeling like bricks as she tried to lift them into position. It was hard to keep her light going, but if her magic faded, she would no longer be able to play the lyre. Maerad knew that if she could just keep playing, she would be able to push the Darkness back, but she found herself slowly unable to continue.

No, she wasn't strong enough. In fear and desperation, she lashed out at the Darkness, and it pulled back enough for her to play more fervently. She couldn't sing aloud, but she mouthed the words, even though it pained her to do so. She thought she had finally gained the upper hand, but the Darkness almost seemed to feed off of her fear and pushed back twice as hard. Maerad found herself flung against a tree as she clutched her lyre.

Her vision was spotty and her glow began to flicker. She cut the scab on the stubs of her fingers and it bled against the strings, but she continued on. She willed herself to continue, but could barely move a muscle, never mind play. She stroked the lyre once more, letting the last note ring out. She had a sudden vision of a small ball of light hurling towards vast darkness. It was quickly consumed and the light was gone, and so was the light within Maerad.

She leaned heavily against the tree. What had she done wrong? She had been so prepared, so ready. The fight almost turned out in her favor, but in the last moments she doubted herself and it all fell apart. She had failed herself, her friends, Innail, and… Cadvan.

Maerad's eyes snapped open as she felt someone prodding at her mind. It was familiar and warm, and she knew it was friendly. Cadvan. He had come for her. Of course he would. He was nearby and she tiredly accepted him in, hoping he would sense where she was. But she was oh, so tired and her hand and head were bleeding, as well as other parts that were bruised and battered. Doom filled her and Darkness began to take her in, both the force of the Dark, and the black spots around her eyes.

She was no fighter, she thought as she slipped into the dark. She was just a failure.


	9. Reuinion

Cadvan had instantly entered into a panicked frenzy when he realized Maerad was gone and was only brought down by Silvia and Malgorn's calmness. He insisted on leaving that night, but it was dark and storming, and the two refused to let him go. They were worried for sure, but Maerad was strong and powerful. She'd survive a night, and she wasn't likely to go far.

The next day, Cadvan set off as soon as the sun rose, following the only lead he had: a man at the gates of Innail who maybe, might have seen a girl, or a person, or someone riding East out of town. Or maybe they turned and went West? And they were on a horse, or a donkey, or something. It was maddening, but it was all Cadvan had so he went with East and stuck to it.

He rode all day, running through his last interactions with the girl. He wished he hadn't been so dismissive, but he also wished Maerad trusted him more. He didn't know what had happened to the confident, outspoken, and strong woman he had known just months before. Now Maerad seemed like a shell of her former self, more similar to the slave girl at Gilman's Cot than the Maid of Innail who had saved Annar.

And he felt slighted because he felt that after all they had been through together, she should trust him. She should have told him what was going on and expressed her feelings and worries to him. Although he often hid it from himself out of a need to protect his heart, he knew he loved Maerad with every fiber of his being.

His thoughts drifted to his first lover, Ceredin. Would she and Maerad have gotten along, he wondered. They were both fiery spirits who kept him on his toes. But, he couldn't help but realize that the Dark was once again taking a woman he loved from him. Though, he recalled with shame, Ceredin had been his fault. But fault or not, he wasn't about to let the Dark take Maerad. He didn't know if Maerad felt the same about him as he did her, but she was a dear friend regardless and the most important person in his life. He was going to save her, even if he was saving her from herself.

The day went on, and Cadvan didn't even stop for a quick bite to eat. He got to the point where he was about to turn and go West back through the Innail countryside, but he saw a glow in the distance. He stopped and stared, and sent his Gift out to investigate. As soon as he arrived within a mile of it, he knew it was Maerad and took off again with a renewed sense of urgency.

He watched as the light grew strong, and then dim, bright and then flickering, over and over again for a long time. But then, he saw with horror and worry, that it began to slowly face. And, while it would come back every now and then, it was only growing weaker. He was closer now and sent his Gift out again, hoping to be close enough to touch Maerad's mind. He failed at first, but after another few minutes of riding was able to just come to her mind's doorstep. He felt her let him in without any fight, and he nearly fell off of Darsor with hurt and pain. It was like when he first joined minds with Maerad in Innail, but so much worse. The Darkness in her had only grown.

Then, he felt her drop off and he was left figuratively floating in space. Her light was gone, and he was returned to his own senses. He pushed Darsor even faster.

They came upon the cave where Imi was, but Cadvan only asked her where Maerad was. He hopped off Darsor and ran down the narrow path to the creek without any more words to either horse.

The winding path took him through a beautiful forest, but he was unable to take in the beauty. His focus was on one thing and one thing only: Maerad.

Finally, the path opened to the rocky creek bed and he found Maerad there, slumped against a tree. Her hand was bleeding and her hair was mixed with sand and blood from her cheek and forehead. But it wasn't the sight of Maerad crumpled in a heap by the tree that made the anger rush into him. Instead, it was the Hull standing over her, its boney hand outstretched.

Cadvan shouted and drew his sword as white light erupted from his hands. The Hull was hit and staggered back, but didn't fall, and rushed towards him. Cadvan was hit with a bolt of Darkness, but also didn't fall and slashed at the Hull with his sword. They went back and forth like this for a while, before the rage had fully built up in Cadvan and he blasted the Hull once more. He was beyond relieved when it crumbled into a pile of bones and dust. He didn't think he had the strength to keep fighting it.

Now, he could focus on Maerad. He ran to her and dropped down beside her, carefully taking her slight body in his arms.

He first made sure she was alive and, sighing with relief that she was, began to work some healing. He wasn't the best healer, and he was exhausted, but it was something, and her eyebrows relaxed as some pain left her face. Next, he got out some bandages and worked to help close the wounds that he could see. And, when he finished that, he simply stared at her unconscious form and hugged her close to him, thankful beyond words that the day before was not the last he would see her alive.

Cadvan carried her back to the cave and laid her down on the bedroll. He also used his and her cloaks, as well as one of the shirts he was wearing as support and a blanket. He wanted to go straight back to Innail, but his own battle had left him exhausted and he was worried that moving Maerad would only cause her further injury. He couldn't be sure while he was riding that he would both be able to control Darsor and keep Maerad from falling.

After tending to his own wounds, he sat beside his sleeping friend and absentmindedly brushed the sand out of her hair with his fingers. Whatever she was battling was strong, and he couldn't fathom why she was trying to do this all on her own. At least before, he had been able to cast some protection around her. Even if that was all he could do, he wanted to do something to keep the Dark from overtaking her.

Finally, as the afternoon was turning into early evening, Maerad shifted on the bedroll. Cadvan had been stroking her hair and stopped, reaching for her hand instead as she opened her eyes wearily and looked into his. Cadvan noted how pale she looked, and that it seemed all the rest in the world wouldn't make an ounce of difference for the exhausted look on her face.

"Cadvan…?" she whispered and placed her free hand on her head. She hurt all over, and although she was glad to see Cadvan, embarrassment made her want to sleep forever to avoid what was sure to be a very critical assessment of her decision to take off.

"Oh, Maerad, thank the Light," Cadvan said breathlessly. "What were you thinking? Why did you go off on your own?" She closed her eyes and Cadvan sighed, knowing now was not the time for those questions. "I'm sorry, Maerad. I was just deeply worried. But you're alive and that's what matters. Are you thirsty?"

Maerad looked back up at him, confused that she wasn't getting the lecture of a lifetime after running off like that. She must really look pitiful. But, she nodded in answer to his question and she sat up with his help and drank the water he offered greedily.

"The Dark is coming for me," Maerad said once her thirst was quenched and she leaned heavily against Cadvan, who brushed the hair from her face and checked her bandages.

"Where is it?" he asked.

"Inside me," Maerad responded. "It knows I'm weak, and my guard was down. It wants to use me like it used Sharma. And I'm scared because I'm doing everything I can think of to make it go away, but it's only making it worse." She looked up at Cadvan in earnest. "I'm sorry I ran off. I didn't know what to do. If I can't fight this, I didn't want anyone getting hurt because of my weakness." She paused. "Especially not you."

Cadvan nodded, understanding where she was coming from and accepting her apology. "It's alright, my dear, I understand," he said kindly. "But I deserve a choice in whether or not I stick around, and that is something I desperately want to do. Even if all I can do is cast protection spells and help heal you, then that is what I will do."

Maerad just nodded, exhausted all over again. "Then I have to get ready," she said. "It's going to come back soon. If I'm ready for it and I have your protection, maybe I can cast it out for good."

"We'll go back to Innail, get Silvia and Malgorn to help…"

Maerad shook her head. "No, we don't have the time. It's coming back soon. Tomorrow…" Her voice trailed off and she fell silent. Cadvan sighed, wishing they could go back to a nice warm bed and bath. He almost chuckled to himself, realizing he sounded much like Maerad herself did on the road. Oh, how the roles had been reversed. But when he went to joke with Maerad about it, he saw she had fallen asleep once again. Her breathing was much more even now and she curled into him as much as she could.

He continued to hold her for a bit, drinking in the feel of her skin against his the same way she thirstily drank the water from his pouch. As the sun went down, he laid her back and wrapped her in the warm clothes. Cadvan paused for a moment before kissing her forehead. "Goodnight, my love," he whispered as he lay beside her and slept. Tomorrow would be a very tough day.

* * *

The pair woke late in the day, only stirring when the sunlight finally entered the mouth of the cave and bore into their eyes. Cadvan was the first to wake, and he found himself with his arms around Maerad, who had slept like a log the night before. Now her face looked more exposed, as she wasn't guarding as much pain. Cadvan studied her for a moment and pondered how much and yet how little she had changed since she was a young sixteen-year-old slave. Her features were now more defined and there were more scars and callouses, but her face was still youthful and innocent.

Before waking her, Cadvan placed a hand just below her collarbone and closed his eyes. He attempted more healing and found himself traveling through her body, finding and mending what was still broken. He was never trained in healing, but he knew some, and a little was better than nothing. However, his Gift recoiled when he reached her stomach, and he knew that was where the Dark resided in her.

Once he had done all he could, he gently woke her and they ate a small breakfast of dried fruit and jerky. Maerad was quiet and sullen, and Cadvan worried she would faint at any moment. She seemed more pale than usual, though he figured that was him just trying to find something to worry about. He wished she would eat more since she seemed so thin too but he didn't press her.

Maerad pulled out her lyre and examined it as though she had never before laid eyes on it. Cadvan watched closely as she mindlessly stroked the strings, which played a garbled tune. She traced her fingers over the ancient runes and mouthed the words they held. She was lost in thought staring and the lyre and Cadvan was lost in thought watching her.

Finally, Maerad stood, though she was a little unsteady on her feet and had to put a hand on the cave wall. Cadvan jumped up and placed a hand on her shoulder, hoping to steady her as much as he was able. "I need to play," Maerad said. "Using my Gift to give myself the ability to play the lyre brings the Darkness out. I'll need you to cast protection and healing. And hopefully, I can push it back."

Cadvan nodded and gazed out over the landscape. "Does it matter where?" he asked and Maerad thought on the question for a moment before shaking her head. "Then I would like to go a little closer to Innail." Maerad made a face of protest. "I am not a healer, Maerad, and should something go awry, I would rather be close to those who can help."

"Alright," Maerad replied after a pause. She didn't know if she completely agreed with going closer to the city, but she considered her agreement a thank you of sorts for Cadvan not ripping into her for leaving so suddenly.

The two packed up the camp and rode towards the School, covered by the tall trees of the forest that surrounded that side of Innail. They rode along in silence, Maerad trying to gather her strength for the upcoming battle, and Cadvan trying to figure out his next move. He would cast the protection spell around Maerad, and then it was all up to her. He wished ruefully there was more he could do to help, but the girl was on her own, as she usually was. And yet again, Cadvan, though once hailed as a superior and gifted Bard, was powerless.

He pondered how Maerad had complained about wanting a normal life, and how he'd gently chastised her for the thought. But now he was the one wishing all of this would go away so he and Maerad could be free of the Dark, and live out their lives in peace. Perhaps, he thought, this was part of his lifelong punishment for Ceredin's death, but then what had Maerad, a girl just barely out of her teens, done to deserve this fate? No, this wasn't punishment, he concluded. This was just life.

They came to a clearing that seemed vaguely familiar, and Cadvan knew they had stopped there before on one journey or another. It was relatively close enough to Innail that it would be a swift ride there, should they need it, but it was also far enough away that the city as a safe distance from what would become ground zero of Maerad's power. They dismounted there and Maerad plopped herself on the ground wordlessly, her legs crossed and her lyre resting between them. Cadvan sent the horses to graze and sat down with her. Silence passed over them for quite some time before Maerad looked up at Cadvan, her bright blue eyes shining with determination.

"It's time," she said. And Cadvan steeled his nerves.


	10. The Battle

Cadvan had never gotten used to the sight and sound of Maerad playing her lyre. Before, she just pulled it out and played, but now, she had to use a glimmer spell to create her fingers anew. In the light, she looked absolutely radiant, her black hair taking on a shimmery gold hue that made her look almost divine. Maerad was a beautiful woman, Cadvan thought, but this was something else altogether.

For a moment, as Maerad played a familiar song on her lyre, Cadvan forgot that they were there to fight the Dark. He let himself sink into the fantasy that they had wandered into the woods by chance and ended up at this clearing. Maerad's husky alto rang out as she sang the tune. Was it the best voice in all of Annar? Perhaps not, but if it was the only voice Cadvan ever heard, he would be the happiest man in the country.

But, this was not a happy walk in the woods. No, Cadvan could only escape their purpose for a moment as he felt the air begin to thin. He thought he was suffocating, but knew there was plenty of oxygen. The Dark was ready, waiting, hoping a weakened Maerad would let her guard down and play so that it could snatch her up. Cadvan felt a rush of anger at the idea that anyone or anything would dare try to take Maerad for themselves. He had a powerful compulsion to lash out, but restrained himself, knowing that the only match for this sinister force was the girl stroking her lyre in front of him.

Cadvan closed his eyes and began to focus on joining minds with Maerad. He didn't dare expend much more energy than that because he knew he would need every ounce of fight in him to protect her. Maerad continued to stroke the lyre, the beautiful notes echoing into the trees. She was so taken by her own playing as though engulfed in a trance and she had no idea of the thoughts running through Cadvan's mind. In fact, it wasn't until Cadvan prodded the entrance of her being that she even remembered he was there with her, wanting to join his life force to hers.

Maerad let her friend into her mind and Cadvan found himself floating. He had never experienced something like this when he touched any other Bard's mind, but, of course, Maerad was special. It was as though the entire forest disappeared and they were left hanging in the sky. He recalled how similar it was to when they pushed back the Darkness in her room, shortly after she had awoken after the first attack. If it had been for any other reason, Cadvan would have liked to stay a while and watch how the world turned from this high up, but there was a far more pressing issue at hand.

Maerad continued playing, staring forward as she was lost in her music. But, as Cadvan floated closer to her, he noticed that beads of sweat were forming on her forehead. It was becoming harder and harder for her to maintain the glowing barrier and it would only be a matter of time before there was an opening for an attack.

Maerad, on the other hand, felt free and light. It would have been so easy to forget the problems that lie ahead, but she kept her eyes focused on her lyre. This was her last chance to send the Darkness out of her, and she knew that it was either it or her. She would not allow the Dark to take her, so either she would destroy it or it would destroy her.

The burning pain in her gut that she was so used to came back with a vengeance and she doubled over, crying out despite herself. But, even as she was bent in pain, her fingers continued to work her lyre. She would not stop for anything. The glimmer spell was getting more and more difficult to hold and she whipped her head back, locking eyes with Cadvan who stared in horror at her. She gave a curt nod before having to return her full attention to keeping the music going. That was Cadvan's cue.

He focused his energy on creating a protection spell around Maerad. It took a lot of work, but Cadvan wasn't going to let any detail slide, no matter how small. This was to be the most perfect protection Cadvan had ever cast, and it would likely be the most important.

With the added protection, Maerad's light grew stronger, and Cadvan looked out into the distance and saw the Darkness retreating. He smiled thinly, knowing that this was not signaling the end of the battle. No, it was just a regrouping and it would soon be back. And he was right, just a few moments later, the Dark hurled at Maerad's light. She had formed a ball around her, and it struck the outer edges. Maerad wavered, but didn't give in, and continued to play. Cadvan could tell it was taking all of her energy just to focus on keeping the music going.

The stalemate lasted quite a while, and Maerad's light began to grow dimmer. Before long it was flickering, but Cadvan's protection stood firm. He watched worriedly as Maerad struggled to keep her hands stroking the lyre, and didn't know how much longer she would last. His mind raced, trying to think of some other way he could help, but he knew he was doing all he could.

The Darkness reared up and blasted dark fire at Maerad, who found herself engulfed in flames. She began to shout but realized that, just like in her dreams, the fire was not burning her. However, Cadvan didn't understand and his protection faltered for just a moment, as he jumped back from the fire and shouted to Maerad. But, Maerad was not burned. Instead, she was attacked while their guard was done, while the shock of seeing her burst into flames was still settling in. She winced at that and fell back, her light going out for a long time as she struggled to keep some music going. She felt weak, and she didn't know if she would be able to bring her light back. The fire was so hot, and the darkness so inviting...

 _Come on, Maerad_ , Cadvan suddenly to her with their minds connected.  _You can do this. This Darkness is not stronger than you,_   _Elednor._  As those words entered Maerad's mind, Cadvan felt the air relax before it balled up into a fury and launched at the Dark. He smiled, knowing the words made a difference.

The idea of letting Cadvan down was what enraged her. She lashed out with all the strength she could muster because she couldn't bear the thought of disappointing him. For all these years, Cadvan had not just been a teacher, but also her very best friend. And, she knew, in this vulnerable state lost in her mind, that letting herself be consumed by darkness meant not only losing her battle but also possibly losing Cadvan's life. The idea of being responsible for his death because of her own unwillingness to press on kept her going.

She felt exhausted, but also strong, and knew she had to destroy this Darkness once and for all. She was frightened, but Cadvan's constant presence kept her focused on the goal at hand. Gathering her strength, she launched a white fire at the Dark mass and watched as the light splintered the dark into a thousand different sections. Of course, the Dark was not pleased with the attack and hit her hard with a bolt. She screamed in pain, but also in determination, as she refused to stop playing or let her light go out.

The screams scared Cadvan more than anything he had ever heard before, and he wanted nothing more than to grab her and hold her and take it all away. But he focused on his own spell and prayed to the Light that everything would turn out alright. That was all he could do; this was Maerad's fight after all.

Maerad, reeling from the attack, braced herself to gather strength for one of her own. She played as hard and fast as she could before sending out a white fire, even brighter than the last. There was retaliation, again, and Maerad fell over, but clutched her lyre and struggled to keep playing. Her light went out, the glimmer spell fading, and the only barrier between her in the Dark being the protection Cadvan had cast around her. Maerad felt as though she was falling a great distance, but she was still in place-in the real world, on the rock, and in her mind, on her back in the sky.

Her vision blurred and she had a moment where she thought about just giving up. If she let the Darkness destroy her, at least it would be away from her friends. At least they could live in peace, without worrying what monsters Maerad brought would hurt them.

Suddenly, she felt herself being lifted and she looked up to see Cadvan, cradling her in his arms. He reached around her and held the lyre firm as he helped her stroke it with her unmaimed hand. Maerad stared at him and he looked back at her with determination she had rarely seen before. He was worried, and the old scar stuck out, but there was more to the expression on his face. Maerad tried to place is… Hope? Fear? Nervousness? Confidence? Perhaps all of them at once.

She looked down as Cadvan continued to manipulate her hand and fingers into strumming a simple tune.  _Don't give up, Maerad. I believe in you_ , Cadvan said kindly. _If you have not the strength, then take my love and confidence in you, and use it._

Maerad reached up with her free hand and placed it on Cadvan's cheek. He believed in her. He loved her. She knew then she had to stop running from her emotions, running from fear and doubt. If Cadvan wasn't giving up on her, then dammit she wasn't giving up on herself.

Struggling, she placed a hand on Cadvan's leg and tried to right herself. She turned to Cavdan for a moment and, losing herself in the emotion of it all, pulled him to her forcefully, planting her lips on his. He was shocked, of course, but certainly wasn't going to question her, especially not in this situation. As she pulled away, she smiled at him and nodded, her blue eyes shining with wild confidence. Maerad was back.

She cast her glimmer spell once again and began to play with a fervor Cadvan had never seen of her before. Her light grew bright, so bright Cadvan couldn't even look at her, and he couldn't see where his protection spell was in the middle of all of this, though he could feel he was still casting it. He smiled. Yes, Maerad was a fighter. Sometimes she just needed to remind herself of that.

And Maerad grew bright. So bright, that when she finally cast her last, big white fire out into the Dark abyss, Cadvan thought he had gone blind. One moment he was floating in the air with Maerad and the next… he found himself back in the forest.

He blinked and looked around, confused for a moment as to where he was. He saw Maerad, sitting on the ground in front of him, her eyes wide as she stared back for a moment. Then, she broke into a wide smile, but only for a moment before her eyes slipped closed and she began to fall forward.

Cadvan quickly caught her, and pulled her into a hug, a hand on her back and his nose buried deep in her hair. He could tell that she was exhausted, more so than ever before, but as he searched her being with his Gift, he knew the Darkness was gone. And he was beyond grateful that she was alright. That she had defeated the Dark once again and was alive and in his arms.

The afternoon light shone on them and Cadvan lifted Maerad onto his back. It wouldn't be a long walk back to Innail, and he figured she deserved to wake up in a comfortable bed instead of on the floor of a forest. He gathered their things and set off.

He reached Innail by early evening and, to his absolute delight, found that Silvia and Malgorn's home had been finished. They, of course, had countless questions for him and he promised to explain as best he could, but first, he wanted to get Maerad to bed.

He climbed the familiar stairs and entered the room Maerad called her own. He smiled, knowing how delighted she would be to wake in her own bed in her own room. Gently, he laid her down in the covers and wrapped her up, his eyes lingering on her sleeping form for just a moment. She looked so peaceful, and so much more relaxed than she had ever been in the past few months. Cadvan brushed some hair out of her face, ensured she was tucked in, and then went downstairs to tell his stories to the two waiting impatiently downstairs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more short chapter after this one and then that will be all for Fighter! Thanks so much for all the kind reviews and follows/favs/etc! I'm so glad this small little fandom has a bit of an existence!


	11. Love and Light

The chirping birds alerted Maerad that it was daytime as she finally came to. She felt the familiar sheets and sighed inaudibly, delighted to be in a safe, warm bed. The memories of her battle came back piece by piece, but for once she didn't feel distressed. Instead, she felt happy, confident, and powerful. She had done it, with Cadvan's help of course. Speaking of which, she wondered where he was, and felt a strange sense of loneliness. Of course, she told herself, she hadn't even opened her eyes yet.

That proved to be a struggle, but she managed to pry open her heavy eyes and blink in the light of day. She almost gasped with happiness when she realized she was in her actual, real room, back at Silvia and Malgorn's house in the Inner Circle. And then she turned her head, and to no surprise, found Cadvan, who was smiling back at her, a book resting on his lap.

"Well you're awake much earlier than I expected," Cadvan said with a laugh after a long moment of silence. Maerad just laughed as Cadvan came over to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "How are you feeling, my dear?" he asked.

"I'm alright," Maerad whispered out, her voice hoarse. "How are you?"

"Exhausted. But nothing a little rest won't help. That was quite the fight you put up. I can't even imagine how tired you must be."

"I'm so tired," Maerad confirmed as she accepted his help in sitting upright against the pillows. "But I feel so… free. Happy?" She paused, trying to find the right word. "Just, better." Cadvan nodded in understanding and sat on the edge of her bed, his hand finding its way into hers.

"Cadvan, I'm sorry," Maerad finally said after a moment. "Truly. I'm sorry for everything."

Cadvan smiled kindly. "You are forgiven, Maerad. Not everyone has to do such battle with the Dark. I don't know what I would have done in your shoes, but I can't imagine it would have been more rational."

Maerad nodded, feeling a weight off her shoulders now that she knew she was forgiven. She knew she was going to be, but she wasn't going to hide anything more from Cadvan. He was her biggest help, her best friend. Her… her… well, she couldn't quite place what he was to her, but it was the most special and dear anyone could ever be to another person.

"And Cadvan? I'm sorry. I should never have questioned your love for me." She looked down at the sheets. "The Dark had me so confused. Though, to be fair, I suppose I had my doubts beforehand."

Cadvan looked stricken that Maerad questioned he loved her. "I'm sorry I ever caused you to bring my love into doubt," Cadvan said regretfully. "Whether now or months before. I apologize." But Maerad shook her head and waved him off.

"No, it's my fault," she said and sighed tiredly. She was exhausted and wanted to sleep more, but knew she wouldn't be able to close her eyes until all of this was off her chest. With the Dark out of her, a gate had been unlocked and she could be open and honest for the first time in months. She wasn't going to waste that chance. "I don't understand love. I barely understand friendship, though I'm starting to get it. Love was always a terrible thing, though. In the Cot, slaves who fell in love always ended up worse off. Love was a distraction if it existed there at all. And then I met you and discovered kindness, that grew into friendship, and I've never been more thankful for anything more than I am for that. But then it turned into love and I grew scared again. I knew I loved you, I never admitted it but I knew… know. I've just been scared. If my path is dark and filled with peril, I don't want to drag you into it." She paused and smiled coyly at him. "Though I see now you're willingly dragging yourself into all this, and if not for me, you'd find some other danger and go to that. I was only thinking of myself. I'm sorry I didn't think of you."

She glanced down for only a moment before Cadvan cupped her cheek and had her look back at him. "Maerad, there's nothing you have to do either," he said earnestly. "If the feelings are not mutual, or you are afraid to follow them, then just tell me and our friendship will not suffer. You will always have my friendship and protection, Maerad. Nothing will change that."

And Maerad smiled, for another weight had been lifted and she threw her arms around her friend, her best friend, her soulmate, and kissed him as passionately as she could. Though, she was still exhausted and recovering, so the rush sent her head into a tizzy and she fell back against the pillows after a short moment. Cadvan looked worried, but then she laughed, and he laughed too as he leaned down and pecked her mouth again.

"I'm not going to be good at this," Maerad admitted with a smile.

"Nor am I," Cadvan responded. "But we make do, I suppose." They shared a long look and Maerad settled down into the covers, ready to sleep for a few more years.

"Danger will always follow me," Maerad said sleepily as Cadvan stroked her hair.

"Then I will always follow danger," Cadvan retorted. Maerad laughed a little at that.

"The Dark will be back," she said. "I'll have to fight it again and again."

"Then I will protect you again and again," Cadvan said. "You can't scare me off, you know. You're Maerad the Unpredictable, remember? I know what I'm getting myself into. I've always known."

"Then I will keep fighting," Maread said, determination, confidence, and courage coming through even in her tiredness. "I worry about hurting other people, but I suppose the Light has a funny way of showing everyone their paths. If this is mine, then so be it. I'm ready to face it. And there's nothing I can't do if I have you."

Cadvan didn't need to respond, he just kissed her forehead and pulled the blankets up again. His heart was light, and so was hers. They were together, they were alive, and that was what mattered.

And so, Maerad the Defender, the Confident, the Courageous slept, with Cadvan there to watch over her, together as they would be for many moons to come. Maerad would always be a fighter. It was her fate, her destiny, her path in the Light. But now, Maerad knew, she didn't have to walk this path alone. Being a fighter would be tough, but it would never be lonely. At least not anymore

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short wrap-up chapter for my first Pellinor fic. Thanks so much for following my story, even in such a small fandom! I'm so glad there are other Pellinor fans like myself and hope to see even more Pellinor works in the future! I have to thank Mrs. Croggon especially because these stories helped me in so many ways after a tough time in my childhood. They also inspired me to begin writing and I haven't stopped since. Without her works, I wouldn't be the same person and I'm grateful that my mom picked up the first book on a whim. I had just moved states when The Singing came out and that book became my best friend as I navigated a scary new school and a tough time when my mother was away for a few months. Thank you SO much to Mrs Croggon and the fandom! Much love to you all!


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